The R Word

Yeah, there are lots of R-words, especially in the Raye-verse, but one causes me particular trouble. I seem to get all messed up when this word is in play and I can't quite figure out how to be me. I also have a chronic condition of turning fantasy into a dissatisfying reality when this word is being used. The word is relationship. I don't know what it is about this word that makes me crazy but it has the effect of making me try to do something, be something, create something instead of just letting things be. This behaviour was emphasized recently during a conversation about the state of one of my relationships - and interestingly, the minute it was decided that no relationship was to occur I felt instantly relaxed, more myself and everything had an ease that it had been lacking. This result is not the first one. I am reminded of a similar event with a guy I was dating out west ... we got along wonderfully and decided to try the relationship thing. And low and behold it got tense and wacky and we decided not to continue. And then once that decision was made we became the comfortable people who liked each other again. I don't know what it is but it is yet another revelation to work on.