Joy Stuck

Life has taken some dramatic turns in the past few months. After my relocation for work and organizing a long-distance relationship, we have found an apartment to rent and are now madly planning his relocation back to me. This should be a time filled with joy. I have, instead, filled it with anxiety. My boyfriend, not so much. You see, we are very different people when it comes to dealing with, well, anything.

The picture to the left explains it all. If, by chance, we were held captive by a giant pre-historic slothbeast then our behaviour would be thus:

Him: hahaha! Giant slothbeast. Well this is in unfortunate. High Five to the sloth.

Me: gah! Giant slothbeast. This is the worst thing ever. I must mope about it.

Our current situation is a real-life slothbeast. And I have to admit that in the past two months I have not been the best girlfriend. I have been the mopey girlfriend and I am strangling the happy-go-lucky-high-fives from my relationship. I know that I am overwhelmed by the fast-pace of change and the ever-growing pile of unknowns in my future. The stimulating aura of 'the new' has faded away leaving me alone in a dark tunnel of 'what-ifs'. And it makes me a bad girlfriend. It makes me sulky on the phone with my boyfriend who doesn't deserve such negative vibes ALL the time. And I hate it. I hate that my JOY is stuck!

I understand that one source of my frustration is in the planning for change. When planning is involved I see the entire staircase. I see ALL the potential steps of a process as they ascend into the distance. Right now I see soooo many steps that they make the destination feel very far away. My boyfriend sees the steps as a one step after another. He tackles each step as it arrives. There is an obvious tension between people who build staircases and those who tackle steps. I have been letting this difference generate more negative feelings that it should. A good partnership has balance. It requires both. We will be successful in tackling the challenges ahead because we do it differently.

So the goal now is to unstick the joy. To release it back into the vast opportunities that are coming our way. To revel in the good fortune we have to be together. That is a positive start. One step at a time.

Magnificent!

This story is only rumor at the moment but it is such a great rumor that I can only hope it is true. Apparently, Tim Burton is in talks to re-make Disney's Sleeping Beauty tale from the evil fairy Maleficent's point of view! And ... Angelina Jolie may be playing the lead witch. The idea that one of my favourite actresses will be bringing my favourite Disney villian to life from my favourite Disney classic. Yay! Fingers crossed for this one. Read the story here!

Great to Grey

Oooops, I spoke too soon. From one great episode to a waste episode. Why? Why do we need to see Hunt relive his army time? How "ER" can you get! "Grey's Anatomy" thrives in Seattle (with the occassion trip to Oceanside Wellness) and taking its stories away from there for a flashback episode is jarring and weak.

The ceiling fan episode that introduced Hunt's PTSD storyline was excellent. Why go the obvious route and then create the most over-used drama scene EVER!!! Seriously, there was so much potential coming out of last week that they should have used that momentum rather than stop it in desert-boot tracks! At least we got some Sloan and Teddy hotness - I am a total fan of that!

Diary of a Vampire Addict

My name is Raye and I am a vampire-holic. I understand that my affliction is hardly special in this day in age. Every woman alive is swooning over one vamp or another these days. It is almost embarassing to admit my weakness since I know it will be catalogued as a bandwagon ride gone way too far. But I stand firm in my particular case of vampiric interest. It is an interest in the mythology that surrounds vampire tales. I have never enjoyed vampires in the horror sense and find blood-soaked terrors unappealing. But those stories and films with a human angle and a stylized look are my vamp-nip.

In the end I am a fan of vampires because they are an intriguing mirror for humanity's moral compass. I enjoy the hyper-stylized aestethics of vampire story-telling (especially movies) because it amplifies the idea of an altered human state that is overt, seductive, and brash. There is ooomph! in everything. Vampires embody the darker sides of sexuality and violence stemming from our source of life. Bram Stoker's Dracula is one of my favourite novels and is as much a tragic love story as it is a horror story. The goods are in the relationships of the humans as they are confronted with the monster.

I am a devout fan of the Buffy and Angel series for truly creating mythology and fighting through the ambiguity of human versus vampire. Where is the line when a vampire becomes a monster? It's common human form makes the distinction more challenging and much more interesting than werewolves or swamp things or zombies. Recently, vampires have become somewhat de-fanged. People will blame Twilight but it really began with Angel. The vampire with a soul who doesn't kill humans has become a template for do-gooder vampires now running rampant in the popular media. And while I don't love the ideas of neutering vampires (even Edward is tougher in the books than the movies) I find this development to be another interesting morality tale. You can be a blood-loving carnivore as long as you respect human life. Once again, the vampire-human connection is central to the topic.

And thankfully, one show is getting it all right! "The Vampire Diaries" returns with new episodes tonight after a month-long hiatus and I could not be more excited!! Many people will have over-looked "The Vampire Diaries" as a Twilight rip-off when it premiered on TV in the fall. But those who have taken the time to welcome the town of Mystic Falls and the Salvatore brothers into our lives have been well rewarded. Based on a series of teen pulp novels from the 90s, "The Vampire Diaries" has become the next Buffy. While it does not (yet) subscribe to a background mythology, it has established the vampires within a historical community. This context gives the show depth beyond the usual teen show. There are mysteries to unravel, relationships to be revealed and romance to be had.

It helps that the two male leads Stefan (Paul Wesley) and Damon (Ian Somerhalder) Salvatore are two of the hottest vampires to grace the screen. Total squee-age! Stefan is the good vampire who has sworn off humans and romaning our leading lady - with an ever-developing past of her own. Damon is the bad brother who revels in his goodies of being vampire and has never questioned the morality of it all. Blinded by love he has cut a swath of death for 140 years.

Add to the mix the production team behind "Dawson's Creek" (don't laugh!) and you have an addictive soap with some pretty decent storytelling. Seriously, more happens in one episode of "The Vampire Diaries" than has happened in any other show all season. This show moves! And, most importantly, it realizes that vampires don't have to be good guys. In fact, it is important to the vampire brand that some of them are out-right bad. Like, ripping out beating hearts bad. "The Vampire Diaries" has handled this mix of sex and violence in a perfect way. It is a decadent treat that everyone should be sinking their teeth into!

Crush Yummy!

In 2007 I really wanted to see a movie called Jane Austen Book Club. I felt it would be a sweet slice of chick movie and I was right. It is a decent film with heart-warming performances by a stack of talented ladies. It also introduced me to Kevin Zegers!

Kevin Zegers! Yes, everytime I think of him it is done with exclamation points. Zegers is what you would call dreamy. In Book Club he plays a high school student attempting to seduce a teacher (Emily Blunt) and his magnetism is palpable. There is something sparkling in his eyes, etched along his narrow features, and teasing in his voice that makes you WANT to be seduced by him. he is capable of appearing innocent and dirty at the same time. He defines je ne sais quoi in the male form.

I had missed Zegers breakthrough performance as the son in Transamerica but did catch him as the son in The Stone Angel which proved he is more than a pretty face. Although often confused with pretty-boy Zac Efron, Zegers has distinquished himself with a quiet talent that subtley out-performs his contemporaries.

Then, this year he showed up on "Gossip Girl" playing a diplomat's son (and drug dealer) named Damian. And I was all, Kevin Zegers! Sadly, Kevin's role on GG has come to an end. I would have enjoyed having his hotness around for the entire season. Next up is a Bonnie & Clyde remake with him playing the titular Clyde Barrow and I am sure that Zegers will deftly handle a role immortalized by Warren Beatty. Too bad his co-star is Hillary Duff. You deserve better Kevin Zegers!

My Train Has Lost It's GO

Here I am smiling at 7:45AM on the Go Train. This picture was taken in Week 1 of my commuting. Everything then was fresh and interesting in its novelty. I enjoyed waking up and taking my 15 minute walk to the station. It would wake me up. I enjoyed reading on the train. I enjoyed the routine of it all. That was Week 1.

I am now at the end of Week 6 and I am not so amused. It is not that I loathe the commute but you would be hard-pressed to find me this smiley on the train in the morning. I have come to realize that the challenge of the commute is the grind of it all. The very routine that I favoured in the beginning is now the thorn in my travelling side. Oh my side. It hurts. And my neck. It hurts. I hurt from being slumped in a pleather chair in a half-asleep state while being whisked in-and-out of the city. There is barely a morning now that I am awake for the entire trip. I can read about one chapter and then the sleepiness I thought was beaten on the walk come back with a fuzzy vengeance.

My morning zing! has dwindled and my brother has had to knock on my door more then once to make sure I was awake for the day. I have had more slow mornings, leading to more fast-paced walks, ending in more sweatiness to actually reach my train on time. I have to admit that I am running out of steam for this commuting thing. Hopefully I don't have much longer to go!

Cake Times Three

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! On my way to work this morning I treated myself to my favourite Starbucks chai latte and a chocolate cupcake with pink icing. Admittedly, Starbucks treats are less than fantastic and my cupcake looked better than it tasted but it was a pleasant way to start the work nonetheless. That was my first cake of the day.

Work was very hectic today. I am working on a presentation (I have somehow become a go-to powerpoint gal!) that has many layers of approval and much back-and-forth over the content. It is also for a program that I don't manage directly and so it takes me longer to get my thoughts and information in order. Thankfully, being busy at work makes the day go quickly! Sometimes too quickly. At 4:15pm, just as I was organizing my day-end and getting ready to run for the early train home, I was surprised with singing co-workers. What a treat. I really thought that I had left birthday parties at the office behind with my K-Team but I guess that is what I get for working with a long-time friend (thanks Jodi!). I also got my favourite flavour combination: Chocolate cake and raspberries. Yummy! Second cake of the day.

As a birthday treat I got home earlier than usual and was able to enjoy the decidedly spring-like weather (+16) with a bright skies. At my brother's place we sat in the backyard for the first time this season and drank beer. Then there was BBQ steak, baked potatoes and caesar salad for supper. And then more cake! Witness the awesome home-made cake that was made by my sis-in-law, niece and nephew! The icing is an old-family recipe that my mom used to put on all our birthday cakes. The secret ingredient is crispy crunch bars. It tasted like memories. YAY! for cake times 3!

Remember Me - Movie Review

Most of the reviews I have seen for Remember Me have commented on the "twist" ending and most have said nothing good. I am going to start this review by saying I thought the twist was thematically appropriate and I did not see it coming. This confession will likely make me look like a sentimental fool and/or a moron to many people but I stand by my decision.

Remember Me is a movie that deserves more than the romantic drama advertising it is getting. The film is not a Nicholas Sparks adaptation. And if you can leave your assumptions (about a twist, about the romance, about Robert Pattinson) at the door and let this film in you may be rewarded like I was. I found the film to be a well-made musing on the impact and (potentially) arbitrary nature of loss. There are big obvious ones, small ones and emotional ones. The story begins with a young girl and her mother on a subway platform as they are robbed. In one instant it appears that it will end that way. A traumatic event but a survivable one. And then, for no reason, one of the assailants shots the mother. And as the subway rushes away the little girl is left alone on the platform with her dead mother.

It is a story of moments that are lined up like dominoes waiting for the next push that will topple them. Move forward 10 years and the film introduces us to Tyler (Pattinson) who is late to meet his family at a gravesite. Slowly his story is told and within it, a series of choices are made that are minimal in themselves but link his life to that of the young girl - now grown - and her cop father. Tyler's family has its own tragedy clouding their lives and so the romantic relationship becomes a mirror to watch how the losses in life shape what we give in life.

It is an honest portrayal of how youth flounder, sulk, fight and survive in a world that keeps giving them kicks to the head. Pattinson has lost his guiding light and in his new dim reality he is unable to direct himself. He exists immediately and is desparate to connect to something again. Emilie de Ravin plays his opposite in a self-assured young woman who is attempting to live life on her terms lest it be wrenched away. Together they make an enjoyable romantic pairing with solid chemistry and interesting moments. The film excels in this area of the narrative tackling the notion of what happens to young people when the natural idea that you will live forever is shattered.

It is an examination of human responses to despair. Robert Pattinson is lost and frustrated and easily provoked to anger. Emilie de Ravin is accepting and playing offense as her best defense. Chris Cooper, as de Ravin's father, is untrusting and suffocating while Pierce Brosnan, as Pattinson's father, is cavalier and closed off. And Ruby Jerins (as Tyler's younger sister being tormented by classmates) is insular and timid. All of the performances are exceptional and each actor brings you into the reactive experience of their character.

Overall, it is a tale of the aftermath of trauma and the need for redemption and as such becomes a portrait of life in a way we seldom think we are living. All of these concepts collide in an intimately told story that sometines feels it is not going anywhere. But that is the point. Because when the end does come you can feel the whoosh of the dominoes falling, the last ticking of the moments and the ultimate realization that everything is connected and you can never really know what will happen.

Out of the Grey-ness

In a breath of fresh air, "Grey's Anatomy" stepped out of the boring, melodramatic rut it was in and gave us all some of its original sunshine. When this show is good, it is really good! And it hasn't been good for about a year and a half so tonight's episode was a welcome return. The messiness with the Cheif's self-indulgent decline is over. The Mercy West merge has settled into place. Izzie Stevens is (happy dance) gone! The whole Mark Sloan baby debacle is complete. And so we can breathe and just revel in the outstanding characters at Seattle Grace being awesome.

I knew this episode was back in form when I checked the time and saw it was only 9:30. One of the show's past strengths was tight writing that packed so much into an episode that you were positive it must be ending soon when really it had only begun. This talent had fallen off in the past year and episodes felt padded and empty at the same time. Not the case with this Season 6 effort. So what made it so good?

The re-woman-ification of Bailey.
Mark Sloan trying to grow up.
Teddy's attempt to move on from Hunt.
Webber being a surgeon (and likeable guy) again.
Christina's joy.
Meredith's defending of Christina's joy.
Lexie's loss.
Callie's total awesomeness as a doctor, a friend and a woman.
Arizona's speeches.

See! Sooooo much goodness and that was only one episode. And to have this episode set-up a new set of relationship spirals that are...

exciting: Will Teddy get McSteamed? Seriously, I adore the potential here. And the fact that Teddy kind of reminds me of Addison which is awesome.

scary: Will Hunt mess it up with Christina? I cannot bear to think of these two in shambles. I barely survived when Burke broke her heart and I hate to think they will do it again.

honest: Will Lexie try to win Mark back? I relate to her storyline of younger woman learning to grow up due to heart break from an older man. I really hope they keep them separated and have Lexie grow from this experience because the Sloan+Little Grey thing was never good.

interesting: Will Callie and Arizona survive? I love that the same-sex woman couple is about to go into a kids vs. no kids relationship fight. How awesome is that? Well, except that it may end Callie and Arizona which will be so sad because they are the best.

So kudos to "Grey's Anatomy" for getting it right again, finally. I hope all the promise established in this episode will bloom into excellent Thursdays for the rest of the season. Fingers crossed.

Where Did the Time Go?

In one week I will turn 35. I have yet to confirm how I feel about that. For the first time in awhile I have not put any energy into birthday celebration planning. Part of me is fine with this lack of result and many people around me comment that birthdays are not important, so, whatever. But I have always felt that birthdays ARE important. And certain birthdays feel more important than others for undefinable and completely arbitrary reasons.

I feel like 35 is supposed to be a meaningful birthday but I also can't seem to summon the energy to make it memorable. I keep thinking of the "Sex in the City" episode when Carrie turns 35. She finds herself sitting in a restaurant alone because everyone around her has a life that is too hectic to let them get to her. She has to pay for her own cake which she later drops all over her shoes in the middle of street construction. It is a sad birthday story about single-womanhood. Of course, Mr. Big shows up with a limo, balloons and champagne (in paper cups) at the end of it all.

I know my birthday is not going to be that depressing but it is on a Tuesday, and really, what can you do on a Tuesday? I will be home to be with my family and there will be cake (probably) and all will be well. But part of me keeps thinking I need to do something. So I thought I would commenorate my upcoming 35th birthday recounting some of my birthdays past - the ones I remember at least!

34th - Pub Time in Halifax. First birthday with my boyfriend who brought sparklers for my cake. Lots of Beer.

33rd - House party in Halifax. Also known as my birthday of shame for being drunkenly evil to all my friends and a total emotional gong-show. Fabulous cake courtesy of Anna. My first absinthe.

32nd - Dinner out at the Keg with my Mom in Toronto. The same Keg restaurant from my 16th birthday.

31st - A mellow evening at my residence romm followed by a night out in Halifax. Amanda did pretty make-up for me. Only four friends could come out but my favourite cover band was playing at the Pogue Fado so I got to dance plenty. An unexpected all-nighter!

30th - Shots at the Laurentian pub with my Commerce crew following an exceptionl presentation. Then home to sleep a bit before showing up - still drunk! - to ethics class. Further celebrations in Toronto. You can read about the whole weekend here.

27th - A small gathering of my Katimavik team (Anne, Jodi & Cindy) at my Katima-house. The participants were on billeting. They brought a cake. And gave me a beautiful bracelet of silver and paua shell (that I had picked out in Mexico with Jodi in January). I still have the bracelet.

25th - Found Labatt Blue at the convenience store in Melbourne, Australia and celebrated with Canadian beer! Continued on for pub Night whereI stepped on a shot glass while dancing and cut my foot open. I still have a tiny scar. Made out with a cute Scottish guy who was staying at the same hostel. Needless to say, that got awkward the next day!

22nd - Total drunkeness in Hinton, Alberta. Started with wings with all my staff friends at the local Boston Pizza. Then dancing. Then a party at me & Nann's place. I threw up - even on my teddy bear!

21st - A Katimavik birthday celebration. My group was living in a tiny town (Acton Vale) in Quebec. Julie and Laura made a HUGE ice cream cake that was frozen solid.

20th - A late party held after my failing out of university. It was a surprise party in Sudbury (thanks Nat, Chris, and Scott). My hair was blond.

19th - I had a house Party in Sudbury with no parents and I think I new five people there. Everyone else was my brother's friends. Then the lights went out. Then someone crank-called 911 and the cops showed up. It was a really snowy night and everyone left trucking down the street in ankle-deep snow.

18th - A random night out in Sudbury. We "snuck" into the bar "Backstreet" and Jennifer bought me a vodka & coke which tasted totally awful.

16th - Dinner at the Keg with my parents in Toronto. The waiters came by our table and sand "Ain't she Sweet".

13th - Just the girls for an afternoon of pitas, ice cream and cake. I had the absolute worst perm that I clipped back on one side. So tragic.

11th - Slumber party madness at our townhouse in Sudbury. My mom made a giant bed in the living room for us all to sleep on together. All us girls wore flannel pyjamas.

5th - We had an afternoon event at my family's farm in Saskatchewan. My birthday was on March break so the parents brought the kids over in the middle of the day. My friend Curtis could not come but his mom brought a present he picked out. It was a GIANT tube of lip gloss that smelled like banana.

1st - Of course I don't remember this one but there are cute pictures. It was the first time my mom brought me back to Ontario (from Saskatchewan) to be with her family. There were balloons.

Oscar Fashion 2010

The Oscar race is as much a fashion race than anything else. That red carpet is one of the world's most watch runways and the ladies who stomp it do so with more conviction that most of the nominated performances. The day after is always flurry of reporting on Best/Worst Dressed and either list is acceptable if it gets your name flashing around the internet and printed in the glossies. I always find the fashion watching to be an enjoyable affair but the Canadian station never seem to have enough coverage to make it a true sport. Still, there are always a couple of ensembles that catch my eye and I comment on the here.

The Ones I Loved

Queen Latifah
was maybe my favourite of the night. The soft pink against her skin was divine and the bling was just right for the event. Love, love, loved it.

Cameron Diaz finally comes to the party with a proper hair-do and a shining example of evening wear. I can't believe she is on my list but it was so refreshing to see her truly glowing and event appropriate.

Yay for Gabourey Sidabe for showing up and rocking her curves. The colour is fantastic and the appliques hit the right notes on her figure. Thank goodness she didn't make the the big-girl bolero mistake of Jennifer Hudson.

And more pink! Who thought I would be so girly but this time it is perfectly suited to Anna Kendrick. This dress falls too perfectly for words and she manages too look sophisticated and relaxed at the same time. Well-played for a young lady at the big show.

The Ones I Loathed

Oh Miley Cyrus. You may be a hit with the tween crowd but you have much to learn about going out with the grown-ups. The first lesson might be that of wearing and actual TOP when you leave the house.

Sarah Jessica Parker continues her trend to be the least attractive clotheshorse on the red carpet. I just don't get it! This dress prompted my boyfriend to say: "It looks like a shower curtain with a wrestling belt attached to the top." What more can one say?

I know a lot of people might like Vera Farmiga's gown. It is Marchesa which is know for structual opulance but this ruffle-rama is too much for me. I also find the fitted curve on the one side to be completely unflattering in its obvious flatness. It is just too much and I can't even imagine how she sat in it for four hours in it!

I love Zoe Saldana and feel she was totally robbed for a supporting nomination this year (for either of her sci-fi films). But that doesn't mean she can show up in a, well, whatever this is. Too many things going on, a dangerously high slit and a ruffle balls on the hem? In fading colours no less? Seriously?

Of course there were many other fashion items to discuss but I just can't do it all. Yes, I skipped Sandra Bullock who I thougth might be wearing hair extensions her 'do was so luscious. And Meryl Streep who was rocking a white creation from a Project Runway contestent - how awesome is that. Or Helen Mirren who manages to be the most well-dressed dame in the world. The fact that Penelope Cruz managed to wear a dress that made HER look boxy! And that Jennifer Lopex showed up in a pink sofa with a wedding chapel pew marker attached to her hip. Finally, Kate Winslet - who has always won me over in the past - was less than radiant in a boring pewter corset and skirt set. Oh well, not everyone can be winner.

all images originally posted on http://www.americansuperstarmag.com/ via Rob Rowell/ABC

Oscar Re-Hash

Wow ... what a waste. For the first time in a long time I am actually completely non-plussed with the Academy Awards. After completely pulling me in with the Hugh Jackman hosting gig last year (that man can do anything!) I found myself feeling very uncomfortable watching the awkward banter of Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin open this year's telecast. For 20 minutes the two of them made lame jokes about EVERY acting/directing nominee. Seriously? I don't have time for this.

I would have preferred if the Neil Patrick Harris (yay!) song had just continued straight into the award presentations. Considering Penelope Cruz presented first there could have been a nice "Nine-esque" segue from NPH's broadway to her arrival on stage. But that was not to be. Thoughts about the rest of it below...

Christoph Waltz wins his gimme award for Supporting Actor and has gives my favourite line of the night, "Oscar and Penelope [Cruz] - that's an uber-bingo!"

The stupid introductions of all the nominated films are back in the program. This setup was painful when only five films were in the running but this year they have to do ten. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. OK - at least the actors doing the presentations have something in common with the directors (John Travolta to Tarantino, Keanu Reeves to Bigelow, et) which is cool. And they got ride of the song-singing for all those nominations so I will accept the compromise.

I have decided that Amanada Seyfried has finally arrived. She's made it to the big party wihtout a "real" role yet but she is likely the most prolific young star of the year with three films floating around. She may be the new Julia Stiles.

The Hurt Locker taking a screenplay award was a surprise. First set up of the dominoes towards its win for the night.

The John Hughes tribute was nice. I am of the generation of the John Hughes cult and own most of his 1980s teen films. Watching the clips you really got to see how many young Hollywood stars he had worked with - even Robert Downey Jr. is in that mix. Sad to see so many of the brat pack looking so haggard on stage though. What the hell happened to Judd Nelson?

The short film awards always remind me that I need to pay more attention to this category and try to see the films when they come out. There is some really cool stuff being made!

I have to say I officially depise Ben Stiller now. Showing up in Na'vi make-up and making pointless comments to James Cameron is a waste of time. He spent twice as much time on that gag as the actual winner got to speak and that just isn't cool.

Precious wins adapted screenplay so it looked like the love is going to spread around a bit for these awards. At least if felt that way at the time.

I love seeing the costume design winners on stage because they always look so fabulous. Sandy Powell (winning for The Young Victoria) is no exception and she generously points out that costume designers on smaller, non-period films have just as hard a job even if it doesn't look so obvious. Props to them all!

Kristen Stewart shows up with Taylor Lautner to introduce a pointless (yes, more pointless!) montage of "horror" movies. It lookes like the Academy is on Team Jacob!!

Sam Worthington (yummy) shows up and is chewing gum on stage. I love him but that kind of thins is SO not cool!

Oooookay ... interpretive dance is used to show-off the nominees for Best Score. This is the type of thing that happens when a judge on "So You Think You Can Dance" is producing the Oscars. And I admit to loving the dancing. It was kickass. But really? Winners are getting played off by the band. Do we really have time for this stuff?

Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler - two of my favourite crushboys of yore - showed up together ... in tuxes. Someone has been reading my private journal!

Jeff Bridges finally gots his little gold man. For a split second I thought it might be going to Jeremy Renner but some trains are moving so fast they must reach the destination.

Sandra Bullock now has an Oscar. She will, forever, be referred to as "Academay Award Winner Sandra Bullock". This pisses me off more than the Marisa Tomei thing.

Kathryn Bigelow became the first woman to win a directing Oscar. I thing that is very cool as I have been a fan for a long time. Also, I love that the woman's directing award went for a war movie. It truly is an epic result.

And then The Hurt Locker takes the big prize and I have to admit this surprised me. I know all the momentum was there but I didn't really think it would triumph in the end. I think the award says alot about a shift in the American culture where war is no longer crash/bang but an isolating experience. There is not alot of pride to be wrung out of The Hurt Locker but there is a lot of duty and bit too much addiction and these two things appear to be more explicit in the American perspective than before and so a movie that represents them is the champion

24hrs to Oscar

This is probably the latest I have ever written a pre-Oscar blog. But as my procrastination knows no bounds and my boyfriend was in town this week I have found challenging to sit and comment. Admittedly, I found the nominations a bit underwhelming and a few of them downright disconcerting and so I have had to take time to reflect on what I would write leading up to "the biggest night in Hollywood". As well, as the awards season continued and the conclusions seemed to look more and more forgone, I got a tad disheartened and wasn't sure I would write anything at all. But with 24hrs to go before the red carpet welcomes the (supposed) best of 2009, I had to put down a few lines on the big categories. So here we go...

Best Supporting Actress
Penélope Cruz in "Nine"
Vera Farmiga in "Up in the Air"
Maggie Gyllenhaal in "Crazy Heart"
Anna Kendrick in "Up in the Air"
Mo'Nique in "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

I find this category to always be an interesting one. It can contain the most intriguing mix of performances and this year is no exception. I must admit to only seeing on film on this list so the lovely ladies from "Up in the Air" are the only performances I can speak to directly. Both are strong performances. Kendrick in particular strikes a chord and holds her own admirably against George Clooney. As a supporting performance, hers gives the leading man the most to work with and definateley elevates the film. Farmiga is talented at achieving a calm strength and is definately Clooney's equal - perhaps making her role a leading lady type and not appropriate for the category. As for the others, Cruz is getting a supporting not for a film with no other key nominations which suggests to me, that while her performance may have been excellent, no one wins for holding up a house of cards. Maggie Gyllenhaal may deserve this award just for being noticed next to the scene-stealing powerhouse that is Jeff Bridges. And while I don't believe this is her year, I think we will see her on this list again. And then there is Mo'nique who is going to win this award on pure gusto alone. All reports indicate that her abusive mother is a mother of a performance and one so central to the Precious storyline that it is definitive of the supporting actress category.
Odds on: Mo'Nique
I would like to see: Anna Kendrick

Best Supporting Actor
Matt Damon in "Invictus"
Woody Harrelson in "The Messenger"
Christopher Plummer in "The Last Station"
Stanley Tucci in "The Lovely Bones"
Christoph Waltz in "Inglourious Basterds"

Looking at this list now it almost feels silly. Everyone knows there is only one name in this category and that is Christoph Waltz. The guy's performance in "Inglourious Basterds" is magnetic, scary and accessible - even when he is speaking another language. His charater links the threads of the film together and I cannot imagine what it would have been without him. For that he deserves all the gold he has received this season. As for the others, it really does not matter. I find it surprising that Damon is in nominated at all for his role in "Invictus" was so small that I could hardly say Damon achieved something extraordinary. The Plummer and Tucci nominations are kind tokens to deserving actors but "The Last Station" was not widely released and "The Lovely Bones" was widely panned so both men will suffer from the exposure of their products. And I wish I could comment on Harrelson but "The Messenger" just made it to theatres here in Canada and so his worthiness remains a mystery to me. I'm sure if he won it would be entertaining but that event will have to wait another day.
Odds On: Christoph Waltz
I would like to see: Christoph Waltz

Best Adapted Screenplay
"District 9" - Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell
"An Education" - Nick Hornby
"In the Loop" - Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche
"Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire" - Geoffrey Fletcher
"Up in the Air" - Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner

Adapted screenplays can be tricky (just ask the team working on the Twilight films!) because the must respond to a source material and create an effective base for a different medium. I have always believed that an adapted film that can capture the essence of it's source and achieve something cinematic is the sign of great work. In this respect, all of the nominations are deserving. The easiest translation may have been "District 9" which was adapted by its original writer and is an extension of its original format. Still, "District 9" is an exceptional film with a creative and effective narrative and if it had been written from scratch I am sure it would have landed a nomination for original screenplay. "An Education" is a gem of a film. It is like a perfect engagement ring - well-set, multi-faceted and with a special brilliance. It is also written by one of my favourite authors who has made a name for himself writing confused man-children and this film uses that strength quite well. "Up in the Air" is supposedly far afield from its original novel but the film is well-written and the screenplay definately contributes to a solid picture overall. As the screenplay awards are often given to the films that have strong achievements across the board but cannot be justified as the big prize winner this may be the route for Air. I have not seen "Precious" or "In the Loop" but I don't think they are true contenders in this race.
Odds On: "Up in the Air"
I would like to see: "District 9"

Best Original Screenplay
"The Hurt Locker" - Mark Boal
"Inglourious Basterds" - Quentin Tarantino
"The Messenger" - Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman
"A Serious Man" - Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
"Up" - Bob Peterson, Pete Docter, Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Tom McCarthy

What a tough race this one is. "The Messenger" is a true dark horse with a limited release that will definatley work against it. In a year when the other side of war is being wide-spread it definately had the message to snag this golden nod. The Coen's are known for their exceptional writing and "A Serious Man" ended up on many best picture lists for 2009. "Up" is riding the coattails of it's opening 5 minutes which are so heartfelt and well-crafted that the story feels much stronger than it is. But, in truth, the narrative of "Up" weakens as the film progressing so the film will have to settle for the best animated film prize instead. Which brings this fight down to "The Hurt Locker" and "Inglourious Basterds". And in a story-telling fight? I have to go with the basterds. The tale is so crazy and compelling and well-constructed that Tarantino deserves to have his words gold-plated - finally.
Odds On: Inglourious Basterds
I would like to See: Inglourious Basterds

Best Actor
Jeff Bridges in "Crazy Heart"
George Clooney in "Up in the Air"
Colin Firth in "A Single Man"
Morgan Freeman in "Invictus"
Jeremy Renner in "The Hurt Locker"

Everyone keeps telling me that Jeff Bridges is going to win this award and so I guess it is his to lose. I personally have no interest in the movie and I find that broken-down-men-seeking-redemption performances to be rather annoying. It is nice to
see Colin Firth finally in an oscar race but I think the weaker elements of the film will keep his performance from being recognized beyond the nomination. Ditto for Morgan Freeman who appears to be fulfilling a wish of Nelson Mandela rathern than expanding his range with "Invictus". Which leaves us with Renner and Clooney. The former is a little-know character actor. The latter Hollywood royalty. Both play men at the mercy of their circumstances who must find out how they wish to be defined. Both men offer exceptional performances. Renner's has a quiet depth that is magnetic to watch. Clooney's achieves a level of casualness that actually turns a matinee idol into an everyman. But I guess it won't really matter because Bridges has the crazy heart - and the history - to stomp all over them.
Odds On: Jeff Bridges
I would like to see: George Clooney

Best Actress
Sandra Bullock in "The Blind Side"
Helen Mirren in "The Last Station"
Carey Mulligan in "An Education"
Gabourey Sidibe in "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"
Meryl Streep in "Julie & Julia"

For me, the biggest issue with this category is two-fold. One, Sandra Bullock is in it. Two, Emily Blunt (for "The Young Victoria") is not. The fact that the former is going to sweep in and take home a little golden man makes me even madder. Yes, it is the Julia Roberts/Erin Brockovich thing all over again and it sucks. I hate that one of "America's Sweethearts" is about to win an award for playing a sharp-tongued do-gooder when the role is easily a movie-of-the-week on the Hallmark channel. So oh well to Helen Mirren - who can do no wrong. Too bad to Carey Mulligan - who managed to recapture 16-year-old innocence and bravado so well. Uh oh to Gabourey Sidibe who had to similate things on film that noone would want to do and she did it with grace and intent. And so sad to Meryl Streep - who can do no wrong.
Odds On: Sandra Bullock
I would like to see: Gabourey Sidibe

Best Director
"Avatar" - James Cameron
"The Hurt Locker"- Kathryn Bigelow
"Inglourious Basterds" - Quentin Tarantino
"Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire" - Lee Daniels
"Up in the Air" - Jason Reitman

This is the big race. No matter how many films you put in the Best Picture category or what happens with the actors, Best Directing is THE race. It is the race about filmmaking. It is the race about realizing a vision. It is the race about who created something from nothing by bringing together other artists and making it work. And for that, the award should go to Kathryn Bigelow. Her direction of "The Hurt Locker" is extraordinary. The palate, the shots, the pacing is amazing. The story works because of what she has created behind the camera to give us the world we see on the screen. I hope this award is properly bestowed. This is not to say the others are deserving. James Cameron re-invented the experience of movie-going and this may put him on the podium a second time but his "Avatar" is too-heavy and poorly paced and all the visuals in the world can't hind that failure in direction. His win for "Titanic" was at least for a film that was well-directed epic and "Avatar" pales in comparison. Tarantino remains a master at story-telling but his consistency falters. Daniels is nominated for having the pure guts to make a movie out of the Sapphire story. And Reitman has a ways to go before his award will come. But it will. Reitman's films are solid, cleanly directly (almost too clean) pictures and if he continues on his current track he will be rewarded eventually.
Odds On: James Cameron
I would like to see: Kathryn Bigelow

Best Picture
"Avatar"
"The Blind Side"
"District 9"
"An Education"
"The Hurt Locker"
"Inglourious Basterds"
"Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"
"A Serious Man"
"Up"
"Up in the Air"
Oh goodness, 10 films this year. What was the Academy thinking? More movies does not necessarily mean better choices or that the true film will emerge victorious. A couple of key things: "The Blind Side" should not even be in this race. It has NO other nominations in any of the filmmaking categories so how can a film with no artistic strengh be a best picture? Shameful. "Up" is a deserving film for animated feature but its story-telling and execution do not put it in the same category as others on this list. If it was "The Incredibles" I might consider its inclusion but not this year. "A Serious Man", "An Education" and "District 9" are great movies. They will remain in the listings of favourites from 2009 and as gems of solid movie-making but none are BIG enough to snag the top prize. "Precious" is an odd addition and its strength confuses me. But heart-wrenching drama/trauma has always been considered cinematic so perhaps it does do what is necessary. But let's not kid ourselves. This is a three movie race and they could reduced the nominations and it would still have worked out this way. Yes, I know the media has made it an "Avatar" versus "The Hurt Locker" showdown but this is because of the personal history of the directors. If Bigelow and Cameron had never been an item then the field would be wider and the film I feel most deserving - Basterds - would be getting more credit. Here I am hoping for a split vote between the Smurf-war and the real-war and the re-envisioned-war will prevail. From an artistic point of view, "Inglourious Basterds" is amazing. It creates a whole new world and tells an engaging story and uses cinema in an inventive way. It is what iconic films are all about and it should be recognized as such.
Odds On: "Avatar"
I would like to see: "Inglorious Basterds"

Boyfriend Trip

My boyfriend arrived today for a 5-day visit. Last night I couldn't sleep at all due to an annoying mixture of excitement and anxiety. Excitement sounds right. But anxiety? Stupid me. But that is the way it is for me these days. I spend equal parts on the happy train chugging through the days towards a future with a general blueprint and the anxiety plane spiralling through turbulent fears of unrealized potential and income stress. Add to this scenario the fact that I am in my first long-distance relationship (first relationship period!) and it could make for more sleepness nights if I wasn't so tired.

So, yeah, my boyfriend arrived today. And it was awesome. Because he is awesome. He can somehow manage both my excited and anxious expressions without breaking a sweat and calms me into a satisfied state of feeling loved. After a full morning of text messages I could finally leave the office at lunch and get to see him. To hug and kiss him. It was almost too much for my brain to handle because it has never had to prossess that kind of information before. It seems like technology can now keep us instantly in contact but it will never be the same as actual closeness.


I was desparetly unhappy with the distance situation by the end of my first week in Ontario. The feeling was augmented by the fact that I had no idea when we would be seeing each other next and it appeared like Easter (two months away at that time) would be the only chance. And that sucked. Eight weeks of waiting sucked. So I got pushy and, thankfully, the airlines got cheap and we ended up with him coming here in March and me going back to Halifax at Easter. Whew! Eight weeks was quickly cut in half and I could feel myself relax. I could now handle the distance because I knew it would end soon. I had a date on the calendar that I could look forward to. It is amazing how much of a difference that made.

And now he is here. And we have five days together. I know there will be moments on the perfect happy train. I know there will be moments on the crazy anxiety plane. But at least I get to hold his hand now on the ride.