Grow Happy

What kind of child were you? What kind of adult did you think you would become? These were a couple of the questions cruising through my brain during my run tonight. Further to these questions I was pondering whether or not I am happy with the person I am and if I am doing justice to the kid that I was. As I was running I started to feel happy. I am slowly getting over the chest-burning pain and getting to those moments when I can just run and think. It is great. It makes me feel HAPPY. And I am reflecting now on happiness in my life.

See that smiling girl above? When I was a her I was involved in many activities. Now I find my time distributed between work and school and laziness. I am not doing enough to stimulate myself in the things that I enjoy. It used to be creative writing. And cross-country running. And then canoeing. And football. And then travelling. I have signed up for fencing classes later this month and I hope that it will help me continue on my path to being more fulfilled in me.

For a long time I ascribed to the Malkoski view of contentedness. This position was recently challenged by a friend with an inspirational view on happiness and self-fulfillment. Which brings me back to my calm and happy run through the tree-lined streets this evening. Then tonight on "Bones" (hello! David Boreanaz in jeans! but that is a different kind of happiness) the title character stated the following:

"Buddhists say if we can lose ourselves in the moment without distraction or desire we experience truth"

Now, forgiving the fact that I am interpreting life tips from a TV show (likely) mis-quoting Buddhism I still want to express my new position. I am done with working towards contentedness. I am actually quite content in most of the aspects of my life. I am no longer seeking happiness in a chasing-rainbows kind of way. What I am going to try and do is honestly, openly, and thoroughly enjoy the moments of my life. I am aiming for TRUE moments. I want to have as many genuine moments as I can. Moments wherein I am not distracted by other things. Moments wherein I am not desiring to be elsewhere or with others. I think the kid I was would want that for the adult I am.