Happy Halloween

This is my nephew cruising the pumpkin patch. I didn't get to do anything this harvest-y this year but I was exposed to more children then last year. I love my new neighbourhood. In the autumn chill on Halloween I walked out my door to hear a chorus of "Trick or Treat" echoing down the street. It was only 6pm but the little ones were out and the entire scene filled me with a warm feeling.

Halloween was a big deal for me as a child but disappeared from my social calendar in recent years. (Last year's craziness aside!) This year, my Halloween consisted of dressing as my younger self for the office.It was the best excuse - evah! - to wear my PJs to work. I wasn't going to turn it down. Besides, I think I rock the pigtails pretty well. I was the only one in costume at work (although we HAD agreed!) but that was fine. I was comfortable and cute. Another Halloween down. Who knows what will be happening next year.

Satisfying Season

There are many things I wanted to get done today but I didn't do them all. That didn't stop it from being a great day. First of all, daylight savings time made my late noon hour wake-up feel less shameful. Then I cooked myself a full breakfast of pancakes with berries and syrup and a hot mug of tea ... mmmm. My major task of the day was doing my dishes which had piled up over the week. But even this job wasn't too bad as it spurred me on to do a full clean of my apartment. You know, a real clean - not a tidy - a clean. It was rewarding and felt good. It also took a bit of time so I did not make it out to the grocery store or read my homework chapter.

The best part of the day was my evening. Tonight I had theatre tickets with my fellow subscription buddy, Wade (Ash had bailed on us for this performance). So I indulged in a full-on dinner of salad with balsamic, lamb chops with roasted potatoes and a glass of pinot grigio (note: I am a p.g. fan - it's official). I indulged further by having dessert. And what a dessert - mango cheesecake with a raspberry mousse on top = awesome!

The play itself was excellent. It was called "The Little Years" and it was about time and opportunity. It was concise (only 70 minutes) and emotional. Very impressive direction. Afterward Wade and I crossed the street to a favourite lounge for a drink - martinis are cheap on Sundays. Pomtinis are tasty. And then home to update you all. I wish all Sundays could be like this one - even if I wasn't as productive as I would have liked. Oh well.

The last thing I would like to share is some autumn photos I took this week. As we get our extra hour of daylight it is nice to look around at what that light is illuminating these days. Fall is my favourite season and Canadian falls are truly beautiful. I hope wherever you are in the world that your Sunday was a satisfying one and the view outside is as lovely as mine.

Ball, Beer & Boys

So Friday night rolls around and it is the last home game for the SMU Huskies football team. I have't been to a game all season because I have been away for work each week of a home game. Because of this fact I was very demanding that my football friends join me this week for the game. But I wasn't expecting to get sick this week and as the event approached I was reluctant to spend 3 hours sitting in the cold. But I am a trooper and I put on my fleece, puffy vest and toque and went for it. Truth be told, there wasn't alot of game watching going on. We had missed the first quarter while eating dinner and by the second half we were in the beer tent and got side-tracked. Then back to the campus pub. It was a full evening. I was home by midnight. And although I am a little tired, I couldn't have asked for a better night with my boys. Cheers!

Bedtime

I got a new bed today. Actually, I "got" it last week but it took awhile to arrange the move and get it installed in my little apartment. See how much bigger it is? In case you didn't know, I have been sleeping on a hand-me-down single bed for the past year. But no longer. I have a double bed now. A comfy IKEA bed. And I got fucshia T-shirt sheets to go with it. And it couldn't be a better week. I have the new bed in time to sleep off the last remnants of my cold. And, I have it in time to enjoy daylight savings time this weekend. Cause really? If anyone likes extra hours in bed - it is me!

FYI...

"I have outgrown the boys of my youth but not yet grown into the men of my future" - Carrie Bradshaw

Nothing could be closer to the truth.

Coldness

Sick today. That cold is creeping in. After inhaling airplane air, visiting with sick friends, and wandering the damp HFX streets on Saturday night I have become a germbag. It sucks.

I have a VERY busy week ahead of me and being sick is not going to be helpful. It hit Sunday but was hidden by my tiredness from the previous night so I didn't really take notice. Yesterday it haunted me at work but seemed to mellow in the evening after a good meal of comfort food. But this morning - after tossing and turning all night - I was up at 6am and FEELING it! No work for me - cancel my meetings - back to bed.

I know my body - a cold like this (fingers crossed it does not evolve into the flu!) will last me a week with late Wednesday/Thursday being the tipping point. So today is crucial for preventative measures of rest, liquids, echinacea, etc. I have never gotten a flu shot before ... but this season, as I look at my schedule ahead I'm thinking it might a be a good year to get one. I'll keep you posted. Going to fill up my hot water bottle now and try to warm up. sniff.

Tanya Town

Tanya left us on the coast today as she joined the wild world of Toronto living. But in true Tanya fashion we all took it upon ourselves to rock the harbour-city hardcore before she left. I made the mistake of drinking rye so I was a complete disaster by nights end. I even lost my cell phone - so that really sucks. But it was also a fabulous party that ended, appropriately, at Pizza Corner. So here is a collection of images from last night's "shenanigans" featuring the infamous Ms. Jones...

There are other faces from the festivities as well. They can all be found on my MSN Space.

Two Days in Trawna

In another random moment of my life I got to go to Toronto for work and a bit of time off. It was a quick two-day trip but it was jam-packed full of friendly goodness. I am always amazed at how awesome my friends and family can be to work me into their schedules on short notice and remind me how much I am loved. It is a great feeling to have good people in my life. I forget it sometimes and lately, I needed the refresher so the trip was a good one. I spent a pubby Wednesday night with Jodi and learned a lot about entrepreneurship and got some clear dating advice. I spent Thursday afternoon with my cousin and we chatted, drank, ate and shopped as if life wasn't trying to confine us at all. I think I gained 5 pounds that day. That night I had girlie catch-up time with Cathy in her NEW home. And then Friday I enjoyed some phad thai and Scott filled me in on fatherhood and basketball goodness in a quick lunch that was just right. And finally I made the trek out to my brother's NEW home (note to self: taxi on the 401 during rush hour is not fun) to hang with them and my nephew. FYI ... my nephew ROCKS! He is amazing. He calls me Gray ... it's funny. I love him to pieces. What a great way to end this week.

The Prestige- movie review

I was filled with anticipation to see The Prestige. It is a film that re-teams Batman Begins director (Christopher Nolan) and stars (Christian Bale & Micheal Caine) and adds the fun of Scoop duo Hugh Jackman and Scarlett Johanson. It is a film about magic and intrigue and betrayal. And in the previews it looks SOOOOO cool!

To say that The Prestige stayed with me long after the credits rolled is an understatement. Although my initial reaction was mere satisfaction my feelings evolved to being impressed. This change in sentiment is due mainly to the dark center of the tale.

On the surface, The Prestige is about two magicians who were once colleagues but fall out after a tragic death during a show. In the years that follow the story traces Jackman's obsession with Bale's career and a need (by both men) to be the best magician ever. When Bale enveils a trick that seems to have him teleporting it is all Jackman can do to find the secret and best his old mate at the same game. And the price both men pay is nothing short of disturbing!

Nolan does an excellent job of showcasing the motivations of the characters while still keeping the important strings hidden. Trick versus reality are consistently played against each other on various levels of the film and the assertion that the simplest answer cannot be the right one is questioned. As well, the film explores the scientific developments of the time (most obviously electricity). Through this backdrop the lives of the magicians ponder notions of the threats of advancement and the ethics of technology - an interesting subtext in a film about deception.

In the end, all is revealed with sad results. The twists and turns are indeed fascinating and the final element shocking (if you believe it!). And although it was not as captivating as I would have hoped the competent hands of everyone involved pays off the pledge well enough.

The R Word

Yeah, there are lots of R-words, especially in the Raye-verse, but one causes me particular trouble. I seem to get all messed up when this word is in play and I can't quite figure out how to be me. I also have a chronic condition of turning fantasy into a dissatisfying reality when this word is being used. The word is relationship. I don't know what it is about this word that makes me crazy but it has the effect of making me try to do something, be something, create something instead of just letting things be. This behaviour was emphasized recently during a conversation about the state of one of my relationships - and interestingly, the minute it was decided that no relationship was to occur I felt instantly relaxed, more myself and everything had an ease that it had been lacking. This result is not the first one. I am reminded of a similar event with a guy I was dating out west ... we got along wonderfully and decided to try the relationship thing. And low and behold it got tense and wacky and we decided not to continue. And then once that decision was made we became the comfortable people who liked each other again. I don't know what it is but it is yet another revelation to work on.

The Departed - movie review

Seriously, it is hard to write a review for Scorcese's latest mob offering without dropping the F-word.
One - because it is so prolific in the film itself your mind just adopts it and
Two - because the movie is fucking fantastic!

In honesty, I think I could stop my review there. The movie is exceptional. Go see it. End of story. But that wouldn't be very nice and, for anyone with a gentle stomach for the profane, not very fair. The Departed is unapologetically direct and you have to be able to revel in that to fully enjoy the ride.

Essentially, the film is a story about allegiance and honour. It is about identity and truth. And it is about the crumbling of all of those things. The story revovles around two young cops (Leo DiCaprio and Matt Damon) whose lives become wonderfully intertwined with the Irish mob, undercover investigation and a hot psychologist. At times, the coincidences might seem far-fetched but Scorcese does a good job of making the tight universe plausible and engrossing. Unlike Micheal Mann's Heat that wandered through the lives of an increasing cast - The Departed takes an intensely similar look at character relationships but with a much narrower lens.

This tack might have been suffocating to the film if not for the fine casting. Jack Nicholson is finally back with some grit in his teeth after his sojourn as a mainstream man-in-crisis in Something's Gotta Give, About Schmidt, and As Good As it Gets. And as Irish mob kingpin Costello he is magnetic. But the film truly rests on the shoulders of Damon and DiCaprio and the audience could not do better. Whatever you think about the young actors - both prove themselves to be worthy screen presences. As adversaries they are well-matched with the golden boy looks of Damon challenging the saddened scruffiness of DiCaprio. I personally, have always held these two actors to the top in their generation and they do not disappoint. DiCaprio brings a physicality to the role that is intoxicating. Damon offers a charmed menace and highlights that his career isn't even close to ending.

Around these characters, Scorcese adds a gruff Alec Baldwin, a mouthy Mark Wahlberg, and an exasperated Martin Sheen. Token love interest Vera Farmiga is forgettable eye candy but likely a good choice for the woman that just happens to get caught up in the mess. And mess it becomes. A blown-brains out, leaking guts kind of mess. And yet, shocking as some of it is (execution-style killings are seldom NOT shocking) it never feels unnecessary. No one dies without it being part of someone's plan. And it is following this plan, convoluted as it is, that keeps you waiting for the final departure.

Clarity, Courage and the Cosmos

For those of you who have not seen me in awhile I got a new tattoo in March. Ordinarily I would have posted that news right away but I decided to wait for two things first: 1) showing my parents - which happened in July and 2) having a moment when it made sense - which is now.

The tattoo is the chinese character for clarity. And if you have been following this blog at all, you will know that clarity has been a theme of mine this year. The placement of the tattoo is to remind me about being true to myself - being clear about what my gut tells me. It is a constant reminder to not lie to myself. It is a reminder of things I have experienced that I rather wish I had had the strength to stop. It is a reminder to be pro-active in my life.

These comments have resonance this week as I am confronted with a decision that includes all of the elements. It is about being honest with myself. It is about taking a stand for what is right for me. And it is a decision that, a year ago, I would probably have been too weak to make. Thank goodness that things change.

As well, I am receiving some cosmic reinforcement this week. Another portentous horoscope landed in my lap in the midst of my decision-making process. It offered these words...

Your addiction is obstructing you from your destiny, and yet it's also your ally. How can both be true? On the downside, your addiction diverts your energy from a deeper desire that it superficially resembles. ... On the upside, your addiction is also your ally, because it dares you to get strong and smart enough to wrestle free of its grip on you; it pushes you to summon the fierce willpower necessary to defeat the darkness within you that would obstruct you from your destiny.

I'm not going to share my addiction with you or the decision that requires attention. If you know me then you will know. And you will agree that clarity is coming to me in all sorts of good ways.

McSteamy!

Seriously, how great is this? If we HAVE to lose Finn - at least we get McSteamy! God I love "Grey's Anatomy"!

Thanks to shmily00 at youtube for making this available.

THX

Keeping it simple...

1 - Thank you to my family for the unconditional support through all my different life directions. I am sure that one day that direction will lead to a home of some kind where you can come and visit me.

2 - Thank you to my best friend for taking the time to make me cry, make me laugh, make me laugh so hard I cry! And for always reminding me about ME.

3 - Thank you to Ash for loving CFL as much as I do thereby aiding and abetting my addiction to watch games in spite of other responsibilities.

4 - Thank you to my co-workers in the amazing organization I work for that provide me with stimulation, intriguing conversation and inappropriate laughter on a regular basis.

5 - Thank you to Simon for time at "the beach" however long that may be.

6 - Thank you to Cathy for taking one of her vacations in my part of the country last May - it is always nice to have visitors.

7 - Thank you to Nicole for becoming an amazing force of calming friendship.

8 - Thank you to Kat for reminding me that I am not insane and for being the best sister-in-law I could hope for.

9 - Thank you to Starbucks for opening in my office building; to Haagen Dasz for putting raspberry sorbet back on the market; to HMV for having extraordinary sales on TV box-sets; and to Baxter for making a cottage cheese I actually like.

Release Valves

I have moments when I feel like the weight of my life is about the crush me. There are moments when the mix of work, school, social relationships, house maintenance (damn laundry!), volunteerism and personal interests is so thick I have difficulty moving. At times like these I need to relieve the pressure. I need to find some way of release in order to re-establish my focus and move forward. Sometimes it is a day off. Sometimes it is an extended assignment. Sometimes it is a dropped activity. As this weekend approached I felt trapped in my mind as I tried to figure out how to achieve everything necessary in the coming week and it was crushing. My solution - sadly - was to cancel my trip back home to spend Thanksgiving with my family.

Even as I write this I feel bad about that. I feel bad that I could not prioritize my family and friends above my work and school this week. But the deadlines were just that - deadly. And so I have taken this weekend to collect myself. But before that I took the start of this weekend (Friday night) to engage in some socializing that I had long pushed aside. It have not seen any of my school colleagues since school commenced. I have not made it out to a single MBA event all fall. And so, I opened my little yellow apartment to the masses still in town on Friday and had a gathering. It was another way to relieve some pressure - to find some release in friendly faces and cold drinks. I felt so happy that many people came to visit. I hope everyone had a good time. It looks like they did.

In the end, my plan is working. I can feel my focus returning as I get some time alone to work on projects that have been left untouched. Sometimes I have moments where the momentum of my life feels like it is dragging me behind a cart that I can't stop. This weekend I stopped the cart. I took a breath. I got back to me. Thank you to my family and friends I did not see for their understanding. Thank you to all my friends who came to see me for your kindness.

Showing my Sunshine

So today at work I am slogging through expense claims and accounting reports for my staff. It is actually work I enjoy but I am tired and the detail-oriented tasks can hurt my brain sometimes. Then I open an express post envelope from one of our field supervisors and she has sent along a feedback note from the staff training I recently attended. It was an anonymous page of comments about me and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy. And since I am a raving narcissist (hello! blogging!) - I thought it was only fair to share the impressions strangers have of me after three days in my presence! They said:

Raye - you inspire me too...
- not be shy at first sight and be yourself right away
- live large & take risks
- enjoy & live every moment to the fullest!
- go see more movies
- beaucoup de rire bien aroser!
- be Assertive
- live in the moment
- rebel numerically and smile
- a vivre intensement et etre bien dans ma peau
- take my space & don't apologize
- be energetically optimistic

It is always wonderful to receive positive feedback on yourself. And interesting for me in light of my last post and a recent conversation I had with a friend where I expressed how little I sometimes feel this way about myself. Here I am working to live in the moment and be myself and apparantly that is what people think I do. Maybe what I need to do is stop thinking so much and, what is it? - I was reminded again this morning ... - oh right, just BREATHE.

Grow Happy

What kind of child were you? What kind of adult did you think you would become? These were a couple of the questions cruising through my brain during my run tonight. Further to these questions I was pondering whether or not I am happy with the person I am and if I am doing justice to the kid that I was. As I was running I started to feel happy. I am slowly getting over the chest-burning pain and getting to those moments when I can just run and think. It is great. It makes me feel HAPPY. And I am reflecting now on happiness in my life.

See that smiling girl above? When I was a her I was involved in many activities. Now I find my time distributed between work and school and laziness. I am not doing enough to stimulate myself in the things that I enjoy. It used to be creative writing. And cross-country running. And then canoeing. And football. And then travelling. I have signed up for fencing classes later this month and I hope that it will help me continue on my path to being more fulfilled in me.

For a long time I ascribed to the Malkoski view of contentedness. This position was recently challenged by a friend with an inspirational view on happiness and self-fulfillment. Which brings me back to my calm and happy run through the tree-lined streets this evening. Then tonight on "Bones" (hello! David Boreanaz in jeans! but that is a different kind of happiness) the title character stated the following:

"Buddhists say if we can lose ourselves in the moment without distraction or desire we experience truth"

Now, forgiving the fact that I am interpreting life tips from a TV show (likely) mis-quoting Buddhism I still want to express my new position. I am done with working towards contentedness. I am actually quite content in most of the aspects of my life. I am no longer seeking happiness in a chasing-rainbows kind of way. What I am going to try and do is honestly, openly, and thoroughly enjoy the moments of my life. I am aiming for TRUE moments. I want to have as many genuine moments as I can. Moments wherein I am not distracted by other things. Moments wherein I am not desiring to be elsewhere or with others. I think the kid I was would want that for the adult I am.

Perfect Score

My dear friend Cindy once presented me with this handy little guy-evaluation tool that she created with some friends while working in Africa. It appears that one night a group of gals got together to assemble the list of common traits they had observed in the good men they had encountered in their lives. I told Cindy last winter that I had to work harder to associate with men who fit the bill. Would I be gloating to say I know at least one guy who would receive a perfect score? Hmmmmmm....

Angela and Cindy's famous "Bubble Index".
(for those of you who may have forgotten... a 7 is considered a good score)

Also known as "Basic Criteria for the Human Male" – A guideline for single women.

(not in order of priority)

1. Is able to hug another man in friendship.

2. Has long-standing friends.

3. Is willing to cook.

4. Loves his mother (unless she is a complete witch!).

5. Likes cats.

6. Not mean/cheap about money.

7. Likes to give and receive massages.

8. Has personal integrity.

9. Is trainable in bed.

Leafy Laurentides

I got to spend some time in "the Laurentians" last week.I had never been to that part of Quebec before, that little section of gorgeous geography north of Montreal. I was there for a work training session and, in spite of the wet weather, it was wonderfully refreshing. But the thing I liked the most was the autumn feuilles de feu filling the hills. The reds, oranges, and yellows were in full display. This picture was the view across the road from the Auberge hosting the training sessions. By the last day it was sunny and the clouds were getting caught on the uppermost treetops. But as you can see, even in the damp and grey days beforehand the site was beautiful.

Zod Returns!

OK ... I am not a "Smallville" fan but I do tend to fall into a general paralysis in front of the TV sometimes when this show is on. Today was the first episode of Season 6 and you know what was cool about it? Lex's body was taken over by Zod. Do you remember Zod? He was the leader of the euro-trash baddie triad in Superman II. And on top of that the voice of Jor-El in the episode was that of Terence Stamp - the very guy that played Zod in the 1980 film! Yeah, I'm a geek. And "Smallville" was working some meta!