OK ... so I recently read the book "Why You're Still Single: Things your friends would tell you if promised not to get mad".It seemed to have the perfect title. And, one of the authors is a snark-mistress from the wonderful TWOP so I gave it a shot. Besides, I needed a quickie read in the bathtub because the next issue of InStyle isn't out yet. And, okay, maybe I wanted to know why I'm single. According to the 154 pages of insight I am single because...
1 - I am not putting in the necessary effort to meet men
2 - I am not "zen" about my single status (obviously!)
3 - I am not happy enough in my current life
4 - Insecurity plain and simple
5 - I am attracted to excess baggage
6 - I don't say no and reap only diminishing returns
7 - I know how to be a Girl Friend but not a Girlfriend
8 - I am not so good at the honesty thing
9 - I actually say things like that post about "need" - apparently need is bad
WOW - not the most positive list. Funny thing is that my friends have said ALL of the above to me at one time or another. So at least I know I have great friends! And with friends you are never alone. This will be my last whiny post about singledom. I am turning new leaves. I will continue, of course, to publish about girlie crushes and general hotness but no more mooning over mono-me. The writing is on the WWWall. Time to move on.
2 comments:
I'm sure you'll meet the right guy for you Raye. One thing people our age have to do is lose the agenda we had in the past (marriage at 26, new house at 28, children by 30). Life can be great even if it didn't turn out as we hoped when we were younger. I'm not starting at 3rd base for the Boston Red Sox (for example) but my life is still pretty cool.
Peter L.
I wonder how many women are "zen" about their single status? And how many people are genuinely happy in their current life? This is a pretty harsh list, and while some of it is probably true, it's certainly not worth beating yourself up over. Especially number 7 - what the hell is that about? Like you aren't supposed be friends with your partner? I hate that. I'm certain you would be a great girlfriend. I just suspect that you sell yourself short.
And let's put some of the onus back on the men! Another of my super yet single friends, Nattie, has a theory that single men in their thirties develop a cockiness that makes them that much harder to date. They suddenly realize that they aren't as insecure as their 20-something selves and that they may be a catch, so they become a little too choosy and decide to make the most of their ability to play the field. And that actually makes them less attractive to us, so it seems harder and harder to meet attractive men. Clearly not true of all men, but when was the last time a man came up to you and asked you out? When did men stop showing the all-important "keen-ness" (another Nattie term)? I'm not opposed to women asking men out, but it would be nice to actually have some interest shown, rather than that half-assed agreement to do something sometime. And let's stop settling for the crap and demand some romance.
But I do agree that you should focus a bit more on the things you have accomplished in your life. You've done amazing things and touched a lot of people, and you will continue to do so. And you certainly don't need a man for that!
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