Need a Man ... hmmmmm

I think that men look to be needed. Men are at their best when they feel they are bringing something to the table - especially something that noone else can. This may be the reason that strong, independent, opinionated and self-sufficient women are collecing in the single lane - our male counterparts cannot identify how they are needed.

It used to be easy. Financial support and physical security were granted to the guys to clearly define what a woman needed from them. (Maybe this is what draws men to younger women where these needs exist more readily in an age gap.) But for us 30-somethings the water is murky and all the damsels may be flailing about but we are still screaming "I don't need a man!" while we do so. What man would want to dive into that pool?

I find that my generation of women believe they don't NEED a man. Instead we have become common quoters of the phrase: " I don't need a man but I want one." That distinction is emphasized. It is almost shameful for any woman worth her self-reliant status to put man + need in a sentence. This is a problem and, ultimately, a lie. I think that a man IS something I need and not merely something I want. Want implies desire but it is also potentially frivolous. Man as chocolate to a craving or new shoes to a trend is not the way to go. Need goes deeper. It is something from within that doesn't change with the seasons. I am beyond wanting a man. I need a man. I need that other to make a together because this alone is getting tired.

But I don't suggest we need a man in a crutch sort-of-way that would imply some form of disability for women. It is about need in a life-source kind of way. The need for connection to another human being. The need for support of the internal (self, dreams,challenges) rather than the external (money, security, possessions). The need for kindness, embraces, trust and respect that come from a partner in life. There is a reason that being with others is the center point of Maslow's hierarchy in that you can't build yourself without it. It doesn't matter who you are - you need these things to flourish in the world. It is not a question of wanting them. And if you are a heterosexual gal then it is a man you look to for fulfillment of these needs.

So I say that women can stop feeling bad about NEEDING a man. I say that men should wake up and see how needed they continue to be by the women around them. I think we would all be happier if we did.