There are moments when no matter how swimmingly your life appears to be going you can feel a crashing thud in your social sphere. There are moments when all that effort to believe you are an amazing, intelligent, attractive, funny, sexy, understanding, caring women with something to offer is shattered. Often these moments are created in the minds of ourselves - we can be our own worst enemies. But there are other moments that you cannot control that rock you to the core. Make you feel small. Make you feel powerless and weak and sad for thinking that you could be more. These are the broken heart moments of the "modern, independent" woman.In less than 10 days, the "in-your-face" celebration of Valentine's Day will arrive. This is the day that many will OPEN their hearts to others. They will embrace love, affection and joy. They will use sappy, commercial constructions to convey emotions they are too overwhelmed with to say themselves. For me? I see my heart close ever tighter as this day approaches. Attempts at vulnerability have been, quite soundly, rejected, and I can feel my heart begin to retreat again. I hate the notion of being closed off but it happens nonetheless. I can only take so much. I deserve more. I only wish it didn't hurt so much to get there.
1 comment:
Hi Raye,
Here's what I've done on Valentine's Day the last couple years...six pack of imported beer, amazing meal, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I decide pre-Heineken to not drunk dial any of my now-married ex-girlfriends. And don't worry, you're all those things you mentioned. But love is confusing. I've pretty well figured life out by this age, but love remains as confusing as a class in Chinese algebra given by someone speaking German.
- Peter L.
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