Surf's Up

I had to comment on this poster because its simple, blatant, sex-selling vibe is so intense it makes me laugh. I found the pic while perusing movie trailers (a passtime of mine that has been greatly enhanced by my recent laptop purchase). Into the Blue is a stupid thriller-slash-adventure film that pits the poster's hot bodies against a bad guy in the hunt for treasure buried in the ocean. Doesn't that sound fantastic? Aren't you just aching to go? No? Well, what if we dangle these abs in front of you? How you feeling about it now? That's what we thought.

This picture also allows the Summer of 2005 to be re-christened in posterity as: "The Jessica Bikini Trifecta" (yeah, I made that up - catchy, no?) The trio has been immortalized in the infamous two-piece as follows: Jessica Biel - Stealth, Jessica Simpson - Dukes of Hazzard, and now Jessica Alba - Into the Blue. Don't miss out on this special summer offer.

Continuing with the surfer theme ... the 2005 Teen Choice Awards were on TV tonight. In case you don't know, these awards are sponsored by "Teen People" magazine and allow teens to vote on a variety of "choice" categories. It's a ceremony where only the winning nominee shows up to collect. Then he/she receives a surf board to take home - possibly the dumbest award prize EVAH! But anyway, these accolades of teen-taste were delivered tonight and, like a junkie in a poppy field, I had to watch.

The most obvious comment is the extreme mixed messages the program sends. There is an auditorium full of screaming youth. The voters have crowned Chad Michael Murray (aka - manchild extraordinaire) and Rachel Bilson (aka - the Neutragena girl) as the "Choice Hotties". And then, the PUSSYCAT DOLLS (a group created as a retro-burlesque act!) take the stage to sing that song about wishing your G-friend was a bigger ho. Hmmm....

Other highlights?
Watching all the "grown-up" winners (a good percentage of them men over 6 feet) having to bend down to the kiddie-sized microphone like they're at a grade school water fountain.

Jon Heder (aka - Napoleon Dynamite) telling the hysterical crowd to "Shut up" at three different points.

Ashton Kutcher's acceptance speech. The guy has won the MOST surf boards in TCA history and this time he invited a random guy from the audience on stage to read his remarks. It was cute, genuine, and appropriate. You know, I really want to hate Kutcher but this year he keeps doing things that make it impossible.

And finally, my fave Canucks shone again. Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams and The Notebook made a clean sweep of the romance and drama categories. Once again, Rachel did the talking and flashed her radiant smile. Once again, Ryan was sporting a Darfur shirt. The twist? The duo was introduced by fellow Canadian Ryan Reynolds who swapped sexy spit with Rachel once she took the stage. It's an honest mistake - two hottie Canadian men on the stage the same time? Both named Ryan? Both with rugged facial hair? Let's just leave it on that note...