When the Topping is Really Gold (Plated)

Cheers to MTV for another year of juvenile hijinx that remind us just how empty and entertaining hollywood can be. In its annual celebration of fan-picked favourites, the 2005 MTV Movie Awards have long been an unassuming, casual, almost frat-party style affair. This year was no exception (save the fact that the best picture was harldy mainstream - but I'll get to that). So to review...

Jimmy Fallon hosts and I gotta say - can we just have the real deal back and have Sandler host? Cause really, cute as he is, Fallon ain't no Sandler. He's useless as a host as he is obviously reading the TelePrompTer. I'd say: "It's called rehearsal Jimmy" but since he never knew his lines on SNL, I can't expect him to deliver this script any better. So, he wastes my time trying to outdo the Chris Rock (who is sitting next to Sandler in the front row btw) monologue from the Oscars but he only looks rude and subpar. Lucky for us, the host duties are limited. Jimmy still manages to push 5+ clothing changes into the show and massacres a number of satirical movie-scene re-edits (way to steal Letterman's bit) before the s-t-r-e-c-h-e-d 2 hours ends. On to the best bits...

Best Castmales
Although I give the feline props for recognizing the necessary career trajectory for Miss Jessica Alba, I gotta say the woman can pick a script. As the cast for The Fantastic Four enters, I can't help but notice that Jess has smuggled her way into an all-male dream cast. Hanging with Ioan Grufford (welsh accent man), Chris Evans (love him), and Julian McMahon (aussie hotness) is hardly a difficult job. Just had to say it.

Best Father Figure
Winning for his comedic performance as Ben Stiller's dad in the-movie-that-shall-not-be-named lest it make MORE money, Dustin Hoffman reconnects with the MTV generation. His display of humour and attention to the fans in the "pit" proves once more what a class act he is - even if he was grabbing himself in the process.

Best Pre-Record
Owen and Vince grease the wheels of their upcoming Wedding Crashers vehicle with an enoyable riff on teaching losers how to crash parties. As the two expound on their methods and abuse Justin Long (who really deserves an abuse break as his career thus far has included co-staring gigs with Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan) the giggles are there. It's not as strong as Owen and Ben's Oscar telecast schtick, but it'll do.

Best Acceptance
Hands down this goes to Team Canada (Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams)for the Best Kiss award. This acceptance offered up:
...two amazingly beautiful people
...one political message (Ryan wore a plain white Tshirt with Darfur written across it)
...one reenactment of the celebrated kissage
...a very succint and gracious speech ("it was my pleasure")
...and the cementing of these two kickass Canadians as romantic powerhouses.

Best Nostalgia
I gotta say thanks to my parents for actually having cable the year MTV decides to celebrate The Breakfast Club. As one of my all-time favourites, it was wonderful to see this iconic flick get its due. Sadly, the entire cast was not there but Molly proved to be classy, Micheal has a sense of humour, and Ally is just whacked. And although I enjoyed Yellowcard's re-imagining of the theme, there can be only one version of "Don't Forget about Me".

Best Musical Interlude
Funny that these things happen at movie awards at all - but whatev. For this year the golden corn goes to the Foo Fighters for bringing a real-live rock concert to the stage. The new double album? Half acoustic, half rock? I think I'm sold.

Best Ensemble
The other Jessica. Jessica Biel. (I'll put my order in for her body now.) But her dress takes my top marks this time around. A tight, geometric-patterned affair it had the potential to be all wrong. And it wasn't. Not an inch.

Best Voice
Uhh, has any one else noticed that Paul Walker's charm increases exponentially when he opens his mouth? (this would refer to the sound only not what he's actually saying)

Best Famewhoring
Katie Holmes (damn! girl needs to be fed!) introduces the Generation Award for Tom Cruise (Please just have your mid-life crisis love affair and leave us out of it.) Enough said.

Best of the Best
Top honours in three categories (including Best Picture) go to Napoleon Dynamite and at least it wasn't for Garden State (which wasn't a nominee but whatever). See, I'm okay with a loser flick taking the top honours as long as it is an ironic film and not a navel-gazing disenfranchised depression trip. As well, I must comment that Jon Heder is a good-looking guy, chompers aside, who had the decency to thank his wife (a good-looking guy who can commit). This reality proves the point that a haircut and proper duds go a long way to making a man attractive.

Oh and then the show ended. But not before Fallon (who, I repeat, is not funny)ends the show by stealing fan-thanx sentiments directly from Leo Dicaprio. Man, think for yourself Jimmy!