Life has taken some dramatic turns in the past few months. After my relocation for work and organizing a long-distance relationship, we have found an apartment to rent and are now madly planning his relocation back to me. This should be a time filled with joy. I have, instead, filled it with anxiety. My boyfriend, not so much. You see, we are very different people when it comes to dealing with, well, anything.The picture to the left explains it all. If, by chance, we were held captive by a giant pre-historic slothbeast then our behaviour would be thus:
Him: hahaha! Giant slothbeast. Well this is in unfortunate. High Five to the sloth.
Me: gah! Giant slothbeast. This is the worst thing ever. I must mope about it.
Our current situation is a real-life slothbeast. And I have to admit that in the past two months I have not been the best girlfriend. I have been the mopey girlfriend and I am strangling the happy-go-lucky-high-fives from my relationship. I know that I am overwhelmed by the fast-pace of change and the ever-growing pile of unknowns in my future. The stimulating aura of 'the new' has faded away leaving me alone in a dark tunnel of 'what-ifs'. And it makes me a bad girlfriend. It makes me sulky on the phone with my boyfriend who doesn't deserve such negative vibes ALL the time. And I hate it. I hate that my JOY is stuck!
I understand that one source of my frustration is in the planning for change. When planning is involved I see the entire staircase. I see ALL the potential steps of a process as they ascend into the distance. Right now I see soooo many steps that they make the destination feel very far away. My boyfriend sees the steps as a one step after another. He tackles each step as it arrives. There is an obvious tension between people who build staircases and those who tackle steps. I have been letting this difference generate more negative feelings that it should. A good partnership has balance. It requires both. We will be successful in tackling the challenges ahead because we do it differently.
So the goal now is to unstick the joy. To release it back into the vast opportunities that are coming our way. To revel in the good fortune we have to be together. That is a positive start. One step at a time.
5 comments:
I see you have a similar relationship with Craig as I do with Shane. I am the "every possible scenario" kind of decision-maker/panicker and he is the one step at a time non-panicker. Over time you end up balancing each other out a bit more. Really.e
I agree with Stephanie, the ying and yang. But don't knock who you are either. That is why there is a little yang in the yin and vice versa. Our weakness can be our strength as well. and acknowledging that weakness or strength is wonderful. Its a big step on that staircase especially if you are building it together. One of my favorite movie lines is "How do you know she loves you"
"Because she knows everything about me, good and bad. and its,okay." It will work out in the end just breathe.
Miss you,
Nicole
I agree with Stephanie, the ying and yang. But don't knock who you are either. That is why there is a little yang in the yin and vice versa. Our weakness can be our strength as well. and acknowledging that weakness or strength is wonderful. Its a big step on that staircase especially if you are building it together. One of my favorite movie lines is "How do you know she loves you"
"Because she knows everything about me, good and bad. and its,okay." It will work out in the end just breathe.
Miss you,
Nicole
I love that you and Steph both admit to The Panic. Whatever you call it, it can really make life miserable. I say that I have problems with "forever". Whenever I think about anything I think about what this means FOREVER and it freaks me out.
Hence, marriage anxiety.
Love my fiance. Like, a LOT. He's totally The One. Day to day, we're wonderful.
Marriage? Dear god, that's FOREVER... PANIC! What about this and that and oh my god, will we be able to handle it when it comes? AHHH!
But this quality also helps me make good financial and professional decisions. Like going ahead with marriage when it scares the bejesus out of me. Because I consider what I want in that book of "forever" and that includes him and our family after we've gone through all the crap.
I make plans for the future. He... follows my plans. And doesn't stress about it because they're all laid out there infront of him.
So all I'm sayin is: agreed. Yin. Yang.
In the meantime, I'm medicating my hideous stress cold sore and no one's getting any kisses.
PS: OK, I didn't mean that marriage is a financial/professional decision. Um. Anyway, back to stressing about something else...
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