Boyfriend Trip

My boyfriend arrived today for a 5-day visit. Last night I couldn't sleep at all due to an annoying mixture of excitement and anxiety. Excitement sounds right. But anxiety? Stupid me. But that is the way it is for me these days. I spend equal parts on the happy train chugging through the days towards a future with a general blueprint and the anxiety plane spiralling through turbulent fears of unrealized potential and income stress. Add to this scenario the fact that I am in my first long-distance relationship (first relationship period!) and it could make for more sleepness nights if I wasn't so tired.

So, yeah, my boyfriend arrived today. And it was awesome. Because he is awesome. He can somehow manage both my excited and anxious expressions without breaking a sweat and calms me into a satisfied state of feeling loved. After a full morning of text messages I could finally leave the office at lunch and get to see him. To hug and kiss him. It was almost too much for my brain to handle because it has never had to prossess that kind of information before. It seems like technology can now keep us instantly in contact but it will never be the same as actual closeness.


I was desparetly unhappy with the distance situation by the end of my first week in Ontario. The feeling was augmented by the fact that I had no idea when we would be seeing each other next and it appeared like Easter (two months away at that time) would be the only chance. And that sucked. Eight weeks of waiting sucked. So I got pushy and, thankfully, the airlines got cheap and we ended up with him coming here in March and me going back to Halifax at Easter. Whew! Eight weeks was quickly cut in half and I could feel myself relax. I could now handle the distance because I knew it would end soon. I had a date on the calendar that I could look forward to. It is amazing how much of a difference that made.

And now he is here. And we have five days together. I know there will be moments on the perfect happy train. I know there will be moments on the crazy anxiety plane. But at least I get to hold his hand now on the ride.