What I'm Looking For...

OK, confession time. For the last few years I have been enjoying (and being frustrated by) the interesting world of internet dating. I know, I know! My first foray began years ago when a couple of my work colleagues and I decided to give a site called Matchmaker a try. It was just for fun ... and kind of creepy. Then Lavalife hit the scene and I have had various profiles there for the last three? - four? - years. I remember one fun evening in Montreal as my best friend's husband decided to play around on the site and randomly send comments to people. OK, maybe not the most productive use of the site but it was fun. This year I went on a couple of promising dates and actually met a very nice man ... but it was not to be.

Just recently, on the recommendation of a friend, I joined eHarmony. It is my 3-month summer trial to see if this "relationship" site offers something beyond the others. The site uses an "in-depth" personality profile to match up members so instead of the random shopping you have supposedly good-potential matches delivered to you. I found the personality profile it generated to be quite accurate so maybe the other aspects of it will be as well.

Another thing I liked was the function to create a list of "Must Haves" and "Can't Stands". Just the exercise of going through the options was helpful to isolate what I would like and what I don't want to deal with in a relationship. I have included them below because I found it an interesting list. I am not sure if it paints an overly idealistic picture or not. I find I am often accused for being too naive and romantic in my expectations. But I can also read this list and I know men who embody it all ... now if I would find who wants what I offer ...

MUST HAVE
Shared Politics...
I must have someone who has political beliefs which are the same or similar to my own.
Autonomy...
I must have a partner who will give me space to be my own person.
Intellect...
I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues.
Emotionally Healthy...
I must have a partner who is emotionally healthy, and able to share a stable life with someone else.
Family...
I must have someone who shares my desire to have or adopt children.
Passionate...
I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding.
Adaptability...
I must have a partner who is able to adapt to life's surprises.
Emotionally Generous...
I must have a partner who enjoys people and is generous with his or her compassion, attention, sympathies and love.
Affectionate...
I must have someone who is comfortable giving and receiving affection.
Chemistry...
I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.

CAN'T STAND
Anger...
I can't stand someone who can't manage their anger, who yells, or bottles it up inside.
Workaholic...
I can't stand someone who treats everything in life as secondary to their job.
Recklessness...
I can't stand someone who has a careless and irresponsible manner when with others.
Poor Hygiene...
I can't stand someone who is not clean.
Uninterested...
I can't stand someone who does not enjoy having sex on a regular basis.
Undependable...
I can't stand someone who fails to come through and is unreliable.
Excessive Overweight...
I can't stand someone who is overweight.
Addictions...
I can't stand someone who currently suffers from addictions.
Drugs...
I can't stand someone who uses heavy illegal recreational drugs.
Intolerance...
While I understand that religious conviction is a positive trait, I can't stand someone who is self-righteous and feels that their particular faith is the only one that matters.

OH! And of course ... he should look like Ben Affleck!