Sunday, March 27, 2005

Paralyzed

It's coming down to the wire on end-of-year projects. Actually, "the wire" has probably arrived and I'm now trying (desperately) to not fall off it! I have three major assignments due this week - one worth 10%, and two others each worth 30%. The very fact that I am calculating their academic weight illustrates the dire straits that I am in. I have not commenced any of them. Okay, I've done some mild research for each. I've mulled the general ideas in my brain for the last month. But I cannot get the thoughts in my head to crystallize into articulate pellets that I may actually make into a tangible product. I am paralyzed.
You see, I get to a certain place in my procrastination-fueled stress where I become incapable of actually producing any work. This is where I am now. I am so tense over these assignments that I am afraid of them. I would rather hide in my bed, under my covers, then address the reality of these assignments. This is not a good thing.
I only have these projects left and my school assignment days (for this degree, at least) are over. I should be joyously rattling these things off. But I am not. I am paralyzed. Even my supertitious attempt to wear my best "get shit done" pyjamas has failed. I don't know what to do next. I know the outcome will be all-nighters at the last possible second. I know that I will eventually get something done and I will cross my fingers that it is good enough - and it likely will be. But those back-of-the-brain thoughts do not help my rational brain that is screaming: "YOU ARE BEHIND. YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME. YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NOW. WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING?"
Really, I don't know why. I just can't.

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