McSteamy!

Seriously, how great is this? If we HAVE to lose Finn - at least we get McSteamy! God I love "Grey's Anatomy"!

Thanks to shmily00 at youtube for making this available.

THX

Keeping it simple...

1 - Thank you to my family for the unconditional support through all my different life directions. I am sure that one day that direction will lead to a home of some kind where you can come and visit me.

2 - Thank you to my best friend for taking the time to make me cry, make me laugh, make me laugh so hard I cry! And for always reminding me about ME.

3 - Thank you to Ash for loving CFL as much as I do thereby aiding and abetting my addiction to watch games in spite of other responsibilities.

4 - Thank you to my co-workers in the amazing organization I work for that provide me with stimulation, intriguing conversation and inappropriate laughter on a regular basis.

5 - Thank you to Simon for time at "the beach" however long that may be.

6 - Thank you to Cathy for taking one of her vacations in my part of the country last May - it is always nice to have visitors.

7 - Thank you to Nicole for becoming an amazing force of calming friendship.

8 - Thank you to Kat for reminding me that I am not insane and for being the best sister-in-law I could hope for.

9 - Thank you to Starbucks for opening in my office building; to Haagen Dasz for putting raspberry sorbet back on the market; to HMV for having extraordinary sales on TV box-sets; and to Baxter for making a cottage cheese I actually like.

Release Valves

I have moments when I feel like the weight of my life is about the crush me. There are moments when the mix of work, school, social relationships, house maintenance (damn laundry!), volunteerism and personal interests is so thick I have difficulty moving. At times like these I need to relieve the pressure. I need to find some way of release in order to re-establish my focus and move forward. Sometimes it is a day off. Sometimes it is an extended assignment. Sometimes it is a dropped activity. As this weekend approached I felt trapped in my mind as I tried to figure out how to achieve everything necessary in the coming week and it was crushing. My solution - sadly - was to cancel my trip back home to spend Thanksgiving with my family.

Even as I write this I feel bad about that. I feel bad that I could not prioritize my family and friends above my work and school this week. But the deadlines were just that - deadly. And so I have taken this weekend to collect myself. But before that I took the start of this weekend (Friday night) to engage in some socializing that I had long pushed aside. It have not seen any of my school colleagues since school commenced. I have not made it out to a single MBA event all fall. And so, I opened my little yellow apartment to the masses still in town on Friday and had a gathering. It was another way to relieve some pressure - to find some release in friendly faces and cold drinks. I felt so happy that many people came to visit. I hope everyone had a good time. It looks like they did.

In the end, my plan is working. I can feel my focus returning as I get some time alone to work on projects that have been left untouched. Sometimes I have moments where the momentum of my life feels like it is dragging me behind a cart that I can't stop. This weekend I stopped the cart. I took a breath. I got back to me. Thank you to my family and friends I did not see for their understanding. Thank you to all my friends who came to see me for your kindness.

Showing my Sunshine

So today at work I am slogging through expense claims and accounting reports for my staff. It is actually work I enjoy but I am tired and the detail-oriented tasks can hurt my brain sometimes. Then I open an express post envelope from one of our field supervisors and she has sent along a feedback note from the staff training I recently attended. It was an anonymous page of comments about me and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy. And since I am a raving narcissist (hello! blogging!) - I thought it was only fair to share the impressions strangers have of me after three days in my presence! They said:

Raye - you inspire me too...
- not be shy at first sight and be yourself right away
- live large & take risks
- enjoy & live every moment to the fullest!
- go see more movies
- beaucoup de rire bien aroser!
- be Assertive
- live in the moment
- rebel numerically and smile
- a vivre intensement et etre bien dans ma peau
- take my space & don't apologize
- be energetically optimistic

It is always wonderful to receive positive feedback on yourself. And interesting for me in light of my last post and a recent conversation I had with a friend where I expressed how little I sometimes feel this way about myself. Here I am working to live in the moment and be myself and apparantly that is what people think I do. Maybe what I need to do is stop thinking so much and, what is it? - I was reminded again this morning ... - oh right, just BREATHE.

Grow Happy

What kind of child were you? What kind of adult did you think you would become? These were a couple of the questions cruising through my brain during my run tonight. Further to these questions I was pondering whether or not I am happy with the person I am and if I am doing justice to the kid that I was. As I was running I started to feel happy. I am slowly getting over the chest-burning pain and getting to those moments when I can just run and think. It is great. It makes me feel HAPPY. And I am reflecting now on happiness in my life.

See that smiling girl above? When I was a her I was involved in many activities. Now I find my time distributed between work and school and laziness. I am not doing enough to stimulate myself in the things that I enjoy. It used to be creative writing. And cross-country running. And then canoeing. And football. And then travelling. I have signed up for fencing classes later this month and I hope that it will help me continue on my path to being more fulfilled in me.

For a long time I ascribed to the Malkoski view of contentedness. This position was recently challenged by a friend with an inspirational view on happiness and self-fulfillment. Which brings me back to my calm and happy run through the tree-lined streets this evening. Then tonight on "Bones" (hello! David Boreanaz in jeans! but that is a different kind of happiness) the title character stated the following:

"Buddhists say if we can lose ourselves in the moment without distraction or desire we experience truth"

Now, forgiving the fact that I am interpreting life tips from a TV show (likely) mis-quoting Buddhism I still want to express my new position. I am done with working towards contentedness. I am actually quite content in most of the aspects of my life. I am no longer seeking happiness in a chasing-rainbows kind of way. What I am going to try and do is honestly, openly, and thoroughly enjoy the moments of my life. I am aiming for TRUE moments. I want to have as many genuine moments as I can. Moments wherein I am not distracted by other things. Moments wherein I am not desiring to be elsewhere or with others. I think the kid I was would want that for the adult I am.

Perfect Score

My dear friend Cindy once presented me with this handy little guy-evaluation tool that she created with some friends while working in Africa. It appears that one night a group of gals got together to assemble the list of common traits they had observed in the good men they had encountered in their lives. I told Cindy last winter that I had to work harder to associate with men who fit the bill. Would I be gloating to say I know at least one guy who would receive a perfect score? Hmmmmmm....

Angela and Cindy's famous "Bubble Index".
(for those of you who may have forgotten... a 7 is considered a good score)

Also known as "Basic Criteria for the Human Male" – A guideline for single women.

(not in order of priority)

1. Is able to hug another man in friendship.

2. Has long-standing friends.

3. Is willing to cook.

4. Loves his mother (unless she is a complete witch!).

5. Likes cats.

6. Not mean/cheap about money.

7. Likes to give and receive massages.

8. Has personal integrity.

9. Is trainable in bed.

Leafy Laurentides

I got to spend some time in "the Laurentians" last week.I had never been to that part of Quebec before, that little section of gorgeous geography north of Montreal. I was there for a work training session and, in spite of the wet weather, it was wonderfully refreshing. But the thing I liked the most was the autumn feuilles de feu filling the hills. The reds, oranges, and yellows were in full display. This picture was the view across the road from the Auberge hosting the training sessions. By the last day it was sunny and the clouds were getting caught on the uppermost treetops. But as you can see, even in the damp and grey days beforehand the site was beautiful.

Zod Returns!

OK ... I am not a "Smallville" fan but I do tend to fall into a general paralysis in front of the TV sometimes when this show is on. Today was the first episode of Season 6 and you know what was cool about it? Lex's body was taken over by Zod. Do you remember Zod? He was the leader of the euro-trash baddie triad in Superman II. And on top of that the voice of Jor-El in the episode was that of Terence Stamp - the very guy that played Zod in the 1980 film! Yeah, I'm a geek. And "Smallville" was working some meta!