Body Bust

"You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then, just when you start liking them, they start drooping."
Cindy Crawford

Amen. And somewhere in the midst of all that change you will continually find yourself in a poorly lit dressing room trying to find something to bout your drooping boobs in. Such was the mission early this month. I out to find some tit-slings that would support the girls through the dog days of summer. This summer has been brutally hot and humid and not at all friendly to those with a prominent prow. But such shopping is not an easy task. Sadly, my rack is not a sturdy, free-standing shelf. It requires as much support and rigging as I can offer - neither of which wear well with little tanktop straps or floaty summer dresses. All I wanted was to be able to wear something flirty like this...

In truth, my breasts are one of my least favourite features. I find myself battling with their heft rather than embracing their abundance. I cannot find shirts that fit both my waist and my chest and so I am consistently "overly-restrained" or "annoyingly loose-fitting" when all I want is to be tailored and comfortable. The boobsie twins have never been my friends in any kind of uplifting way. And my frontal prominence has give me three addtional gifts by:

1 - shortening the look of my mid-section into a stocky rectangle
2 - creasing my backside with red eleastic mareks that ache by day's end
3 - establishing two deep divets in my shoulder line that make me look like a got cleaved in the clavicle.

Yep, it is a bona fide betrayal by breast!

But I was determined to find some new coverage and hopefully keep my ta-tas doing some ta! da!s in this sweltering season. I abandoned the mall bra boutiques long ago when I realized they served B-cups at best. I have never been able (willing?) to afford actual lingerie and am actually offended at the notion of spending over $100 on one undergarment. (Some would say that investing in a good bra is like buying a quality bed since you use it everyday so get the best one possible. I see it more akin to the shoe racket that pulls millions from women every year except that bras are not a luxury item but a functional necessity in many regards. But I digres...) I would settle for the ability to get something sensual on a budget ...


In the end my limited options led me to Sears. Ahhhh, Sears. It screams utility and evokes images of adolescent embarrassment over the entire process. But the product range is extensive, the sales are frequent and the prices are affordable. I meandered through the racks collecting an armful of different styles and a collection of sizes. I have been sized for a bra twice and neither measurement lasted out the year due to body changes so now I just wing it. I've gotten to the point where I will try anything, because you just never know and maybe the sassy look is going to be the right one...


I wish I could say it was a fun trip but instead I faced my usual challenges. How to find a bra with enough coverage and enough support with reasonably subtle straps and details. Every time I shop I am attracted to some feminine designs and follow the old advice that wearing something sexy/pretty/etc. underneath will help you feel sexy/pretty/etc. overall but my body is not built for temptation. One by one I had to say goodbye to the flirty design, the sensual design and the sassy design.

In the end I found one. All was not in vain. Perhaps the best option is to find the simplest bra that suits you. Mine ended up being navy blue with lace details, side support, lotsa elasticity and minimizing action. Nothing seductive in that description but the end result was as desired. TA! DA!