One?

"I just always thought that when I met the one then all my bullshit would just fade away." - Miranda Hobbes, Sex in the City

This quote has stayed with me for some time and I think it most accurately echoes my thoughts on finding that one person for ever. Recently, thoughts about the one have been on my mind as I have been visiting many friends who have found, have lost, and are still looking for this elusive partner.

A visual motif has also tracked me this month in the form of Canadian geese ("they mate for life you know," says Mitch) who appear to also believe in the soul mate thing. On the way to the Collective Soul concert there was a pair enjoying a late dinner on a grassy patch next to Lakeshore Drive. A week later, a couple were flying overhead and prompted Mitch to tell the Romeo & Juliet tale of a goose that circled its dead partner's body on the side of a highway until it was likewise killed. And today, two parents herded three goslings through the grass to the lake on campus in a sun-drenched familial portrait. It appears that the geese can get it together.

For the rest of us? For me? Not so easy. Everyone seems to have a different take on what identifies the one, but the common thread is that, in the final analysis, it was something you felt and knew to be true even if you didn't acknowledge it right away. One can talk about compatibility (necessary), fit (like puzzle pieces that match in shape AND colour!), connection (emotional, intellectual, physical), and timing (the downfall for most!) but I think those are simply the linear articulations of something that is inherently lateral. Yes, I am a romantic.

My mother said that there are individuals that you look at and you see your future. You see children and family and old age with them. These people can be those you are in love with or not but that moment of clarity is a peek at what you feel makes someone the one. Boston Rob (yes, that guy from Survivor!) says that you just know. And Anakin Skywalker turned to the darkside for his one. It still sounds very mysterious and uncontrollable. I like the enigma aspect and am frustrated by the lack of control.

See, the challenge is that if you don't control the quest or recognition of the one then maybe you'll never have it. All the time, people are telling me that I need to be secure and somewhat stable in my life if I ever hope to have a chance at getting some one. So that makes me ask:
Can you manoever youself out of finding the one without realizing it?
Can you become so afraid of what admitting it exists means that you never take the chance?
Can you know someone is the one and not have it reciprocated?
If the answer to any of these questions is "yes", that's hardly optimistic or encouraging. So what does one do?

In the end, I will cling to my romantic notions - even if they hurt my insides from time to time. My one is out there - he just hasn't realized it yet!