Summer Beauty

To balance the creepy caterpiller post, I offer one of my favourite summer creations: lilacs. Each evening I take a walk and pass a large hedge of purple lilacs on the way. I love them. It has to be the purple ones though cause the white ones just aren't right somehow. I love the scent they put in the air and it hangs there for you to walk through unawares. Fake and perfumey lilac is horrid but the true stuff is wonderful. I would choose lilacs as a wedding flower - big, voluminous bunches of them! - but that would mean I would have to get married in the spring and I don't want that. So lilacs will remain for evening strolls and happy smells only (of course if some nice man wants to hand me a bunch someday, who am I to refuse?)

Sunshine Crawlers

If there is one summer creature that makes my skin crawl - it is the tent caterpillar!! Since my youth, the sight of writhing, swirming nests of these things has given me the willies. I truly can't abide them and must flick/stomp/squish them as quickly as possible. Today, the menace appeared in full force. Emerging from their winter nests in the eaves dozens of inch-long fuzzies began their trek down the side of the house - a prime activity for dropping nochalantly onto one's head and shoulders! I really do hate them! Everyone say a prayer that this year is NOT an infestation one!

One?

"I just always thought that when I met the one then all my bullshit would just fade away." - Miranda Hobbes, Sex in the City

This quote has stayed with me for some time and I think it most accurately echoes my thoughts on finding that one person for ever. Recently, thoughts about the one have been on my mind as I have been visiting many friends who have found, have lost, and are still looking for this elusive partner.

A visual motif has also tracked me this month in the form of Canadian geese ("they mate for life you know," says Mitch) who appear to also believe in the soul mate thing. On the way to the Collective Soul concert there was a pair enjoying a late dinner on a grassy patch next to Lakeshore Drive. A week later, a couple were flying overhead and prompted Mitch to tell the Romeo & Juliet tale of a goose that circled its dead partner's body on the side of a highway until it was likewise killed. And today, two parents herded three goslings through the grass to the lake on campus in a sun-drenched familial portrait. It appears that the geese can get it together.

For the rest of us? For me? Not so easy. Everyone seems to have a different take on what identifies the one, but the common thread is that, in the final analysis, it was something you felt and knew to be true even if you didn't acknowledge it right away. One can talk about compatibility (necessary), fit (like puzzle pieces that match in shape AND colour!), connection (emotional, intellectual, physical), and timing (the downfall for most!) but I think those are simply the linear articulations of something that is inherently lateral. Yes, I am a romantic.

My mother said that there are individuals that you look at and you see your future. You see children and family and old age with them. These people can be those you are in love with or not but that moment of clarity is a peek at what you feel makes someone the one. Boston Rob (yes, that guy from Survivor!) says that you just know. And Anakin Skywalker turned to the darkside for his one. It still sounds very mysterious and uncontrollable. I like the enigma aspect and am frustrated by the lack of control.

See, the challenge is that if you don't control the quest or recognition of the one then maybe you'll never have it. All the time, people are telling me that I need to be secure and somewhat stable in my life if I ever hope to have a chance at getting some one. So that makes me ask:
Can you manoever youself out of finding the one without realizing it?
Can you become so afraid of what admitting it exists means that you never take the chance?
Can you know someone is the one and not have it reciprocated?
If the answer to any of these questions is "yes", that's hardly optimistic or encouraging. So what does one do?

In the end, I will cling to my romantic notions - even if they hurt my insides from time to time. My one is out there - he just hasn't realized it yet!

Soul Food

Caught Collective Soul on a Saturday night in Toronto. Thanks to my good buddy, Mitch, I actually got to see a concert with a fellow fan rather than "that friend that was kind enough to go with me!" Just had to shout out my excitement over the whole affair. Fantastic event. The group still has it. Ed Roland is sex-on-a-stick as a front man and even in his occassionally cheesy moments, oozes hotness.

And although my high-heeled boots killed my feet, they were absolutely necessary for visual purposes. Especially when that 7 foot loser decided to position himself in my sight-line. I mean, what's up with tall people pushing themselves to the front in standing room concerts? There should be a height limit for such events that prevents these giants from being so selfish. You can see from ANYWHERE! Why must your ruin it for the little people?

So I got sore feet and a sore neck from straining around the lampost in the crowd. Of course, that could also be a by-product of my mild song thrashing. I may actually be getting too old for this stuff. NAH!

Your $20 Million Cheque is Waiting, Ms. Zellweger (sorry, Mrs. Chesney)

First off, I admit that the Renee and Kenny MARRIAGE threw me for a bit of a loop. I acknowledge that I didn't even know the two were an item. Then again, its has only been 4 months. And, in the midst of the Brad & Angelina vs. Tom & Katie media circus, these two are definately the side act over by the concession stand rather than centre ring material. But still, surprising. Until I gave it some thought and realized that Renee is just adding one more item to her "To Do List" in becoming the next Julia Roberts (aka ... America's Sweetheart numero 1, aka ... a $20 million a movie star).

To recap her previous achievements in this area (in no particular order, cause Renee has not followed Julia's blueprint verbatim) I offer the following:

... a history of established/assumed engagements with co-stars
Julia = Keifer Sutherland, Dylan McDermott
Renee = Jim Carrey, Jack White

... a break out role that dealt with helping a man overcome his commitment issues therby transforming him into a romantic idol
Julia = Pretty Woman
Renee = Jerry McGuire

... winning an oscar for playing (against type) an abrasive, ballsy, independent gal
Julia = Erin Brockavich
Renee = Ruby in Cold Mountain

... acknowledged by "friends" and "colleagues" as truly being a "down-to-earth" and sincere person that has pride in her small town southern roots
Julia = Smyrna, Georgia
Renee - Katy, Texas

... chronicled as a natural beauty in spite of obvious animal characteristics
Julia = horse
Renee = chipmunk

And now we can add another tick to Renee's list:
...randomly marry a country singer following a brief courtship that takes EVERYONE by surprise and where (at least) on individual goes barefoot in the ceremony
Julia = Lyle Lovett (the bride went barefoot)
Renee = Kenny Chesney (the groom lost the shoes)

Based on the evidence, I can assume that Renee's super-star asking price is about to go up. Call it a wedding gift.

Sprung

Spring finally feels like it has arrived. To illustrate...

- there are silly smog advisories added to the weather in southern ontario, once again proving that major urban centres can even ruin a season if they feel so inclined

- my nose is running like a garden hose nestled in the daffodils of a suburban flowerbed over-shadowed by pink apple blossoms

- my consumption of ice creamy things has increased exponentially (of course that could be the access to the decadent gelato at the grocery store around the corner)

- the clik-clik of heeled boots has been replaced by the flip-flop of, well, heeled flip-flops

Welcome spring in all your glory. I hope you stay awhile.

Hands Down

Taggart and Kathryn
... a moment of clarity for the upcoming mother's day

Winning Addictions

A small post from on the road. Currently I am calling a hotel home. I eat in restaurants alone. I live out of my suitcase. It's awesome!!!

In my free time, I have continued my reliable retail therapy and have come to the conclusion that I am ADDICTED to Winners. It is more than just a passing diversion in my life. It is a twice-weekly shopping extravaganza that involves a systematic process. I can't control it. The soothing feeling of wandering through the racks and finding that unique skirt or well-fitted shirt that will complete my wardrobe. The sad part is that I have no money. Although working at the moment, all my incoming funds are allotted to VISA to pay off my previous Winners purchases. Yes, I am an addict. Admitted. Lets move on.

In other fun revelations, I discovered the Outback Steakhouse in the big box shopping complex near my hotel. LOVE IT! Being a Keg-devotee, I was unsure about venturing elsewhere. But I must report sincere satisfaction. The steak was well-seasoned (even though I took the "light seasoning" option) and juicy!!! It was served with one of the best looking steamed veggie side dishes (broccoli, carrot, snow pea, yellow zucchini) that I've seen in a long time. But the best part was the garden salad that was fresh, filling and served in a bowl that was big enough to actually toss it! Get the mustard vinagrette and you won't be disappointed.

Now off to eat chocolate and popcorn and watch a movie. The addictions keep coming. I think I need a man!

Eye of the Beholder

What is beautiful? What is hot?

Following on the heels of my previous post, I must comment on the lack of beauty-recognition in my "real" life. Last night, at the super-duper birthday bash of some friends, the topic of hotness came up alot. Thanks to the help of my cousin's hair straightener (Must get a ceramic one! $150!!! Maybe have to wait.) I was rocking very smooth & straight hair that garnered many compliments. Mixed with a sprakly eyes and a flirty shirt, I was apparently looking very nice. And yet...the flaw comments were still very easy to generate. The first response is still to find the crack in the finish or the problem with the attribute. Why is this so?

And I was not the only one. Every women conversation I had dealt at some point with the challenge of feeling beautiful and attractive. In particular because one of the hosts (our very own Fickle Feline) had blogged about this same topic last week! Sadly, it appears that the most effective way to reaffirm hot status is to have it declared by the opposite sex. Maybe this is because our beautifying in often done with (for my hetersexual self anyway) men in mind. So when my friend Scott tells me I look great, it somehow hits home more than when my friend Cathy does it. Or the random moments - such as the guy that approached Cathy at the subway station just to comment on her beauty. Wow!

The one consolation is that women are not the only ones in this game. Men are just as insecure in many ways. One such friend is so frustrating about this particular esteem issue. He consistently makes body-conscious remarks but to see him you want to hit him for his ridiculousness. Recently I got to see some pics that reveal him to have a truly lust-afterable torso (what men want - what women want men to have!) and I think its time he gave his head a shake and embrace the fact that he's got "it".

But I can't possibly enforce such edicts when I can't follow them myself. So maybe we all need to step away from the mirror and put more stock in the reflections of our friends. Ahhhhh, wouldn't that be hot!