"Don't Waste the Pretty"

Woah - I have posted every day for a week! That means a)I didn't have a stimulating spring break or b)the break gave me fodder for blogging.

One of the things I did do on this past week was break down and read the infamous trash book "he's just not that into you" (or rather I read the adbridged version that skips all the sad-sack stories - thank goodness! - in place of wise tidbits). And although this line was made famous on "Sex and the City" by a man who broke up with Carrie on a Post-It Note (hence the complimentary nephew pic!) - there are some truths to be had.

And, on the heels of my last self-indulgent post ... good things for me to internalize. I may just have to use some of my neon post-its and stick kindly reminders to myself. Some of my faves:

"Better than nothing is not good enough for [me]."

"There's a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he's your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him."

"... No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing."

"Make space in your life for the glorious things your deserve."

"From this moment on ... make a solemn vow about your future relationships: no more murky, no more grey, no more unidentified, and no more undeclared. And, if at all possible, try to know someone as best you can before you get naked with them."

(are you listening Meredith?)

Me, Myself is Meredith

Yes, another post about my favourite show. It appears that Meredith is taking a lot of flack from fans for recent behavior vis-a-vis George. Yesterday's episode is being criticized for being a downer and for harming the core characters relationships beyond repair. I, personally, thought the episode was brilliant. I also found it to be a little scary. You see, as villified as she is, I am Meredith Grey. I may not have the frog-smile or be a fishstick. And I like to think that my eyes are more fabulous. But as far as her flawed character goes? I am her.Let's compare...

1. Men issues related to rejection by & absence of father ... CHECK!
2. Tendency to use alcohol and/or sex to quell sadness & pain ... CHECK!
3. Attraction to emotionally unavailable men of dreamy status ... CHECK!
4. Forgetful of personal strengths due to relationship obsessing ... CHECK!
5. Childhood view of mother who was impossible to live up to ... CHECK!
6. Realization that mother is not a superhero ... CHECK!
7. Lost as to how to deal with mother's frailties ... CHECK!
8. One good friend that always says it like it is ... CHECK!
And her two most recently revealed attributes:
9. Will sleep with a decent male friend for the wrong reasons ... CHECK!
10. Will trick herself into believing she can be "just friends" ... CHECK!

Seriously, who needs self-help when there is "Grey's Anatomy"! :)

NOTE: Since my best friend fails to comment on my site that much ... I add a recent email comment that came under the subject "Yes, you are Meredith":
After B. and I watched Grey's Anatomy last night, I
looked over at him and said "Raye," to which he
replied "No kidding." Nice comparison chart on your
blog, by the way.

A Poem

Untitled

Moments be gone
that cannot be controlled.
Let memories be sweet
in the furture untold.

Small buds of promise
left to wither and dry
in the minds of the fearful
who dare not to try.

Drown in a crimson river
that flows beyond its sands.
A tide to be stemmed
runs through weak hands.

Its life is the love
beyond wisdom and choice -
the reminder of freedom
one hopes never to voice.

Tears without moisture.
Sobs yet to borrow.
The scent in the air
is the death of tomorrow.

A garden of joy?
So much is not to be.
Trapped by thorns of time -
release me.

Happy Blogaversary to Me

Today marks the one year anniversary of my raye of sunshine blog. Started in the midst of my spring break doldrums last year, this online diary has become one of my joys over the last 12 months. Yes, I am a narcissistic fool at times. Yes, I like that I can say things to an audience - even if it's a silent one. Yes, I like the blue background with the little dots! Yes, I love my discovery of new applications that have allowed me to share more moments with more style. I am the lady in the red hat - taking my moment to stand out in a crowd - sometimes happy, sometimes lonely, sometimes satistied just to contemplate...

I did most of the feelings recap for my year when I wrote my 100th post in September. What struck me about this anniversary is that in my first post I had just been accepted to my MBA program. Now, I almost done my first year! Much has changed. Last February I was excited by the prospect of being able to complete my degree within a year. Now I find myself moving into a part-time stream and about to tackle a new full-time job in April! Yes, I am employed. I am returning to the non-profit organization that has given me so many opportunities in my life. I will be managing the finances of the regional office in Atlantic Canada. I am moving out of the field and into the office. It is both daunting and exhilarating at the same time. So my life is about to dramatically change once more. Stay tuned for the next installment!

Bio-Blog #1 ... Dave

So my Bio-Blog series starts today. I had this feeling of my far-flung friends reading this site and having no idea about each other. Also, I truly love my friends as they are the energy and support that feeds my soul when I need it. So this new weekly series (lets see how many friends I really have!) starts with a profile of Dave - the man who gave me the idea in the first place!

I am...CANADIAN (er, well I am Dutch too...dual passport)
I can...speak Japanese.
I love...making movies (well, home movies)
I will never...compromise my beliefs again to accomodate popular cultural dogma

What is your sign? The crab thingy
Where were you born? Canadia!, er, more specifically London, Ontario
Where do you live now? Tokyo, Japan

What has been the best place you've visited in between and why?
Haifa, Israel
because I can visit the Baha'i holy places and it is on of the most beautiful
and interesting places in the world. Haifa is a melting pot of 4 major world
religions. The Baha'i Faith, Judaism, Christinaity and Islam. Never boring.

What is your favourite:
Movie - Star Wars, the original, the best, the '77 one.
Book - Jurassic Park (Crichton at his best)
TV Show - Battlestar Galactica
Drink - Green Tea or in Japanese, Ocha

Who is your celebrity hottie of choice?
Angelina Jolie. Perfect woman. Followed by Tricai Helfer as Cyclon No. 6 on Battlestar galactica

If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, who would it be and why?
Clinton...as I am obsessed with American politics and international affairs. If he's busy, then Condoleeza Rice (for the same reasons) and if she has an appointment, then Steve Jobs because his story is pretty damn amazing.

How do you know Raye?
We had a one night stand in first year...uhhhhhh, I mean I met her through my friend Cathy. I didn't like her at all. Not one bloody bit. But she changed my mind. Glad she did.

What 3 words would you use to describe Raye?
Loyal, Forgiving and Confident

Do you have your own website? Yes I do
web.mac.com/davidvink/iWeb
or if you have an older browser....than
http://web.mac.com/davidvink/iWeb/davidvink/Dave.html

Meeting Maud

On Tuesday I had wandered past the Art Gallery of Nova Scotia and made a mental note that I must visit. Tonight, a visit to the AGNS became an "executive decision" by Greg & Wade as to what they would be doing if I wanted to tag along. Sadly, we got there 40 mins before closing and did not feel up to paying the $10 fee to tour the entire gallery.

What we did get to see was the special presentation of Maud Lewis' home. Her tiny abode has been renovated and transported to the gallery itself. I had never heard of Maud Lewis before, but she is, apparantly a well-known Atlantic artist. She began her career painting Christmas cards in the early 1900s. Each winter painting definately recalls the holiday cards of my youth with the snow-laden evergreens, horse-drawn sleds and alert pairs of deer. Her "naive" paintings - most no larger than a standard piece of paper - are now worth about a couple thousand dollars. But what touched me most was the tale of her life. Featuring a photo of the munchkin-like Maud, her story is one of struggle and success. It is a sweet, old-world history of a childlike woman and how she came to live and paint in a home adorned with flowers and butterflies with her fisherman husband. So glad I took the time to see it.

Coming This Friday...

Recently I re-connected online with a friend from my first attempt at university - Dave. He has a great website that is totally more flash than mine and a joy to read. As part of his blog, he has this neat feature of mini-biographies of his friends. The last time I had a website I stole my friend Cathy's profile concept. This time, I am stealing Dave's "blogography" idea. So, starting THIS Friday you can read the first Bio-Blog post featuring, of course, Dave! Check back each Friday for a new friend.

(Note: the Empire publicity poster was a gift from Dave. I finally get my Leia moment! You can see my bio on his site here.)

Under the Covers

Today I took some time to engage in an afternoon nap. This is something I can do because:
a) I am currently on spring break and
b) I am fully aware that in one month I won't be able to see straight as I'll be scarily busy
so why not sleep a bit now!

The thing about the matinee sleep is how awesome it feels. First of all, I have the best fabric combination going on in my bed at the moment. I have my T-shirt fabric sheets on the bottom and my duvet + vellux blanket mix on top. It is a haven of sensory joy. And then I strip down and settle into all that soft fabric. You see, I'm a very tactile person. I think the sense of touch is the most influential for me beyond sight - and sliding into a perfect-temperature bed is one of my greatest loves. And it made me realize how important touch is to my happiness.

We all know how important it is to hold infants as they grow. It is vital to their development that they be cuddled. But what happens to us when we get older? What happens when we go without being held for a long time? I grew up in a hugs-filled home. I have also been fortunate to work in a number of familial work environments wherein hugs were the norm for greetings and goodbyes. But recently, I find that my hug quotient has diminished over time. I have full days where I don't even converse with people let alone have human touch and even less often engage is loving (platonic or otherwise) embraces. And I know it is having a negative affect on me. So my bed has become my surrogate hugger. It keeps me warm as I wrap myself in the fantastic folds of warmth. I feel safe and secure as I cuddle myself in my bed and sink into the cotton. It's not as good as those moments when you can let your weight fall into another person and feel them weigh into you until you reach that balancing point but it'll do.