Ben ... Sigh

My last post was all about my odessey of a day waiting by the red carpet to catch glimpses of famous people at TIFF. The reall driving force behind select THAT particular day was, of course, the opportunity to see Ben Affleck - in person. My decision to wait outside for 8 hours on the cold concrete was a direct result of my Benji love. That I could be in close proximity to the man I have been crushing on for 15 years was the only rationale I needed. I also felt the experience required its own special post. The story goes like this...

I didn't know when he would arrive. Would he, as the film's director, be first? Would he arrive before ALL the daylight had been sapped from the sky? As it was he was in the second talent car to arrive. The black Cadillac SUV pulled up and I could see through the windshield. "It's Ben" I stated to my red carpet fan friends. And then I saw her and realized that Jennifer Garner was with him. The car came to a stop and the interior light went on. Ben leaned over and gave Jennifer a light kiss - one of those simple kisses that married people do - and got out of the car.

The fandemonium exploded upon his arrival. He moved in front of the press photographers first and my view exploded with flashbulbs. From behind he carried himself as you would expect from a star but also with a casualness that is true to form. A slight slump in his posture that is almost "aw shucks" about the entire affair. If you see the press photos of him you see an uneasy smile. But from my view, it was perfect. I got nervous while he dallied at the far end of the photo line. I wondered if he would make it over to the fan line at all. Earlier, Redford hand ignored the screaming masses completely and I was concerned that Ben's directorial duties would mean the same for him.

But then he was there. With only a couple of long strides he was against the fenceline and facing flashes and screams and pens thrust foward. It happened to fast. I was standing on my tippy-toes trying not to be pushed over the barricade by the crush of adoration behind me. He was SO close to me. RIGHT in front of me I could have kissed his chest! I didn't. I couldn't breathe. My head was surrounded by demanding arms and I tried to get my camera in position for a clean head shot. It was not to be. With a blinding flash I was able to snap a blurred close-up of his ... CHIN. And then he was gone. Moving to my left down the line and signing all the way. He looked shocked the entire time. Overwhelmed by the demanding crowd he never cracked a smile. My heart went out to him knowing that he would never be able to appease the number of requests thrown his way in the time that he had.

And then, almost before I fully grasped that he was there, he was gone. It could not have been longer than a couple of minutes. He moved back to the swarm of handlers at the red carpet and disappeared into the white glow of the press tent. Stepping on the red carpet before the TV cameras for the rest of the world to see.

It wasn't until the entire evening was over and I was waiting for the subway that I caught my breathe completely. My heart went back to its regular rhythm. My mind cleared from the haze of adrenaline. It was in that moment that I cursed myself for not filming the entire thing. How I did not think to video the experience escapes me. So I must be happy with the images - the one above was sent to me by a gal standing next to me who got a great shot while I got the CHIN! But if I close my eyes I am able to capture the moment again hold onto that feeling in memory of what it really was.