Joy Stuck

Life has taken some dramatic turns in the past few months. After my relocation for work and organizing a long-distance relationship, we have found an apartment to rent and are now madly planning his relocation back to me. This should be a time filled with joy. I have, instead, filled it with anxiety. My boyfriend, not so much. You see, we are very different people when it comes to dealing with, well, anything.

The picture to the left explains it all. If, by chance, we were held captive by a giant pre-historic slothbeast then our behaviour would be thus:

Him: hahaha! Giant slothbeast. Well this is in unfortunate. High Five to the sloth.

Me: gah! Giant slothbeast. This is the worst thing ever. I must mope about it.

Our current situation is a real-life slothbeast. And I have to admit that in the past two months I have not been the best girlfriend. I have been the mopey girlfriend and I am strangling the happy-go-lucky-high-fives from my relationship. I know that I am overwhelmed by the fast-pace of change and the ever-growing pile of unknowns in my future. The stimulating aura of 'the new' has faded away leaving me alone in a dark tunnel of 'what-ifs'. And it makes me a bad girlfriend. It makes me sulky on the phone with my boyfriend who doesn't deserve such negative vibes ALL the time. And I hate it. I hate that my JOY is stuck!

I understand that one source of my frustration is in the planning for change. When planning is involved I see the entire staircase. I see ALL the potential steps of a process as they ascend into the distance. Right now I see soooo many steps that they make the destination feel very far away. My boyfriend sees the steps as a one step after another. He tackles each step as it arrives. There is an obvious tension between people who build staircases and those who tackle steps. I have been letting this difference generate more negative feelings that it should. A good partnership has balance. It requires both. We will be successful in tackling the challenges ahead because we do it differently.

So the goal now is to unstick the joy. To release it back into the vast opportunities that are coming our way. To revel in the good fortune we have to be together. That is a positive start. One step at a time.

Magnificent!

This story is only rumor at the moment but it is such a great rumor that I can only hope it is true. Apparently, Tim Burton is in talks to re-make Disney's Sleeping Beauty tale from the evil fairy Maleficent's point of view! And ... Angelina Jolie may be playing the lead witch. The idea that one of my favourite actresses will be bringing my favourite Disney villian to life from my favourite Disney classic. Yay! Fingers crossed for this one. Read the story here!

Great to Grey

Oooops, I spoke too soon. From one great episode to a waste episode. Why? Why do we need to see Hunt relive his army time? How "ER" can you get! "Grey's Anatomy" thrives in Seattle (with the occassion trip to Oceanside Wellness) and taking its stories away from there for a flashback episode is jarring and weak.

The ceiling fan episode that introduced Hunt's PTSD storyline was excellent. Why go the obvious route and then create the most over-used drama scene EVER!!! Seriously, there was so much potential coming out of last week that they should have used that momentum rather than stop it in desert-boot tracks! At least we got some Sloan and Teddy hotness - I am a total fan of that!

Diary of a Vampire Addict

My name is Raye and I am a vampire-holic. I understand that my affliction is hardly special in this day in age. Every woman alive is swooning over one vamp or another these days. It is almost embarassing to admit my weakness since I know it will be catalogued as a bandwagon ride gone way too far. But I stand firm in my particular case of vampiric interest. It is an interest in the mythology that surrounds vampire tales. I have never enjoyed vampires in the horror sense and find blood-soaked terrors unappealing. But those stories and films with a human angle and a stylized look are my vamp-nip.

In the end I am a fan of vampires because they are an intriguing mirror for humanity's moral compass. I enjoy the hyper-stylized aestethics of vampire story-telling (especially movies) because it amplifies the idea of an altered human state that is overt, seductive, and brash. There is ooomph! in everything. Vampires embody the darker sides of sexuality and violence stemming from our source of life. Bram Stoker's Dracula is one of my favourite novels and is as much a tragic love story as it is a horror story. The goods are in the relationships of the humans as they are confronted with the monster.

I am a devout fan of the Buffy and Angel series for truly creating mythology and fighting through the ambiguity of human versus vampire. Where is the line when a vampire becomes a monster? It's common human form makes the distinction more challenging and much more interesting than werewolves or swamp things or zombies. Recently, vampires have become somewhat de-fanged. People will blame Twilight but it really began with Angel. The vampire with a soul who doesn't kill humans has become a template for do-gooder vampires now running rampant in the popular media. And while I don't love the ideas of neutering vampires (even Edward is tougher in the books than the movies) I find this development to be another interesting morality tale. You can be a blood-loving carnivore as long as you respect human life. Once again, the vampire-human connection is central to the topic.

And thankfully, one show is getting it all right! "The Vampire Diaries" returns with new episodes tonight after a month-long hiatus and I could not be more excited!! Many people will have over-looked "The Vampire Diaries" as a Twilight rip-off when it premiered on TV in the fall. But those who have taken the time to welcome the town of Mystic Falls and the Salvatore brothers into our lives have been well rewarded. Based on a series of teen pulp novels from the 90s, "The Vampire Diaries" has become the next Buffy. While it does not (yet) subscribe to a background mythology, it has established the vampires within a historical community. This context gives the show depth beyond the usual teen show. There are mysteries to unravel, relationships to be revealed and romance to be had.

It helps that the two male leads Stefan (Paul Wesley) and Damon (Ian Somerhalder) Salvatore are two of the hottest vampires to grace the screen. Total squee-age! Stefan is the good vampire who has sworn off humans and romaning our leading lady - with an ever-developing past of her own. Damon is the bad brother who revels in his goodies of being vampire and has never questioned the morality of it all. Blinded by love he has cut a swath of death for 140 years.

Add to the mix the production team behind "Dawson's Creek" (don't laugh!) and you have an addictive soap with some pretty decent storytelling. Seriously, more happens in one episode of "The Vampire Diaries" than has happened in any other show all season. This show moves! And, most importantly, it realizes that vampires don't have to be good guys. In fact, it is important to the vampire brand that some of them are out-right bad. Like, ripping out beating hearts bad. "The Vampire Diaries" has handled this mix of sex and violence in a perfect way. It is a decadent treat that everyone should be sinking their teeth into!

Crush Yummy!

In 2007 I really wanted to see a movie called Jane Austen Book Club. I felt it would be a sweet slice of chick movie and I was right. It is a decent film with heart-warming performances by a stack of talented ladies. It also introduced me to Kevin Zegers!

Kevin Zegers! Yes, everytime I think of him it is done with exclamation points. Zegers is what you would call dreamy. In Book Club he plays a high school student attempting to seduce a teacher (Emily Blunt) and his magnetism is palpable. There is something sparkling in his eyes, etched along his narrow features, and teasing in his voice that makes you WANT to be seduced by him. he is capable of appearing innocent and dirty at the same time. He defines je ne sais quoi in the male form.

I had missed Zegers breakthrough performance as the son in Transamerica but did catch him as the son in The Stone Angel which proved he is more than a pretty face. Although often confused with pretty-boy Zac Efron, Zegers has distinquished himself with a quiet talent that subtley out-performs his contemporaries.

Then, this year he showed up on "Gossip Girl" playing a diplomat's son (and drug dealer) named Damian. And I was all, Kevin Zegers! Sadly, Kevin's role on GG has come to an end. I would have enjoyed having his hotness around for the entire season. Next up is a Bonnie & Clyde remake with him playing the titular Clyde Barrow and I am sure that Zegers will deftly handle a role immortalized by Warren Beatty. Too bad his co-star is Hillary Duff. You deserve better Kevin Zegers!

My Train Has Lost It's GO

Here I am smiling at 7:45AM on the Go Train. This picture was taken in Week 1 of my commuting. Everything then was fresh and interesting in its novelty. I enjoyed waking up and taking my 15 minute walk to the station. It would wake me up. I enjoyed reading on the train. I enjoyed the routine of it all. That was Week 1.

I am now at the end of Week 6 and I am not so amused. It is not that I loathe the commute but you would be hard-pressed to find me this smiley on the train in the morning. I have come to realize that the challenge of the commute is the grind of it all. The very routine that I favoured in the beginning is now the thorn in my travelling side. Oh my side. It hurts. And my neck. It hurts. I hurt from being slumped in a pleather chair in a half-asleep state while being whisked in-and-out of the city. There is barely a morning now that I am awake for the entire trip. I can read about one chapter and then the sleepiness I thought was beaten on the walk come back with a fuzzy vengeance.

My morning zing! has dwindled and my brother has had to knock on my door more then once to make sure I was awake for the day. I have had more slow mornings, leading to more fast-paced walks, ending in more sweatiness to actually reach my train on time. I have to admit that I am running out of steam for this commuting thing. Hopefully I don't have much longer to go!

Cake Times Three

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! On my way to work this morning I treated myself to my favourite Starbucks chai latte and a chocolate cupcake with pink icing. Admittedly, Starbucks treats are less than fantastic and my cupcake looked better than it tasted but it was a pleasant way to start the work nonetheless. That was my first cake of the day.

Work was very hectic today. I am working on a presentation (I have somehow become a go-to powerpoint gal!) that has many layers of approval and much back-and-forth over the content. It is also for a program that I don't manage directly and so it takes me longer to get my thoughts and information in order. Thankfully, being busy at work makes the day go quickly! Sometimes too quickly. At 4:15pm, just as I was organizing my day-end and getting ready to run for the early train home, I was surprised with singing co-workers. What a treat. I really thought that I had left birthday parties at the office behind with my K-Team but I guess that is what I get for working with a long-time friend (thanks Jodi!). I also got my favourite flavour combination: Chocolate cake and raspberries. Yummy! Second cake of the day.

As a birthday treat I got home earlier than usual and was able to enjoy the decidedly spring-like weather (+16) with a bright skies. At my brother's place we sat in the backyard for the first time this season and drank beer. Then there was BBQ steak, baked potatoes and caesar salad for supper. And then more cake! Witness the awesome home-made cake that was made by my sis-in-law, niece and nephew! The icing is an old-family recipe that my mom used to put on all our birthday cakes. The secret ingredient is crispy crunch bars. It tasted like memories. YAY! for cake times 3!

Remember Me - Movie Review

Most of the reviews I have seen for Remember Me have commented on the "twist" ending and most have said nothing good. I am going to start this review by saying I thought the twist was thematically appropriate and I did not see it coming. This confession will likely make me look like a sentimental fool and/or a moron to many people but I stand by my decision.

Remember Me is a movie that deserves more than the romantic drama advertising it is getting. The film is not a Nicholas Sparks adaptation. And if you can leave your assumptions (about a twist, about the romance, about Robert Pattinson) at the door and let this film in you may be rewarded like I was. I found the film to be a well-made musing on the impact and (potentially) arbitrary nature of loss. There are big obvious ones, small ones and emotional ones. The story begins with a young girl and her mother on a subway platform as they are robbed. In one instant it appears that it will end that way. A traumatic event but a survivable one. And then, for no reason, one of the assailants shots the mother. And as the subway rushes away the little girl is left alone on the platform with her dead mother.

It is a story of moments that are lined up like dominoes waiting for the next push that will topple them. Move forward 10 years and the film introduces us to Tyler (Pattinson) who is late to meet his family at a gravesite. Slowly his story is told and within it, a series of choices are made that are minimal in themselves but link his life to that of the young girl - now grown - and her cop father. Tyler's family has its own tragedy clouding their lives and so the romantic relationship becomes a mirror to watch how the losses in life shape what we give in life.

It is an honest portrayal of how youth flounder, sulk, fight and survive in a world that keeps giving them kicks to the head. Pattinson has lost his guiding light and in his new dim reality he is unable to direct himself. He exists immediately and is desparate to connect to something again. Emilie de Ravin plays his opposite in a self-assured young woman who is attempting to live life on her terms lest it be wrenched away. Together they make an enjoyable romantic pairing with solid chemistry and interesting moments. The film excels in this area of the narrative tackling the notion of what happens to young people when the natural idea that you will live forever is shattered.

It is an examination of human responses to despair. Robert Pattinson is lost and frustrated and easily provoked to anger. Emilie de Ravin is accepting and playing offense as her best defense. Chris Cooper, as de Ravin's father, is untrusting and suffocating while Pierce Brosnan, as Pattinson's father, is cavalier and closed off. And Ruby Jerins (as Tyler's younger sister being tormented by classmates) is insular and timid. All of the performances are exceptional and each actor brings you into the reactive experience of their character.

Overall, it is a tale of the aftermath of trauma and the need for redemption and as such becomes a portrait of life in a way we seldom think we are living. All of these concepts collide in an intimately told story that sometines feels it is not going anywhere. But that is the point. Because when the end does come you can feel the whoosh of the dominoes falling, the last ticking of the moments and the ultimate realization that everything is connected and you can never really know what will happen.