F & A

There is a line in the film Rounders that explains how many guys can't play no-limit hold'em because they "can't handle the swings". I think this concept could also apply to my mental state in the last 24hrs. This week was my last week of school - the last week of my MBA degree. It was also a big week at work. And so I found myself with too much to do in the hours I had available.

The casualty of this situation was study time for my final in accounting. And so I found myself on Thursday evening sitting down to a 3-hour exam completely unprepared. I even arrived with the wrong bag meaning I had NO calculator, pencil or pen for the exam. I should have known at that moment things would not go well. The exam itself was a stress marathon of NOT knowing the answers and I left sad and tearful. I admit to being a drama queen about my grades but I truly hate the feeling of failure. So Thursday was an F.

So Friday arrived and my energy was low. I was also feeling mildly panicked about my final research paper being in limbo and unsure about it getting confirmed before the next week's deadline. But with one email all of that changed and the paper was approved, my academic albatross given its freedom and my grade assigned ... and A.

And so the pendulum swings back the other way to a state of glee and satisfaction. To be honest ... such swings are exhausting. But in the end the balance will turn out to be positive so I can't really complain.

His Crushworthiness

Yes, time to extoll the virtues of another crush of mine as his recent appearance in the Man of Style section of my In Style magazine suggests he is about to become a BIG name. Interesting his characteristics are the complete opposite of my last crushboy - James McAvoy. So meet Gerard Butler. My first notice of him was in the Lara Croft sequel where he romanced Angelina Jolie with so much masculine charm I thought the screen might melt. Since that time he has been a cinematic favourite of mine (although I did skip out on The Phantom of the Opera).

The thing about Butler is that he manages to be manly and soft at the same time. He has eyes that burn right into you and arms so sculpted you want to be held in them for days. He has somehow managed to be an action star and a romantic lead with equal skill and this mix is what makes true crushes worthy. A native of Scotland, Butler's big break was obviously 2006's 300 but the ladies will launch him to stardom based on his work in last year's P.S. I Love You. I challenge anyone to find a more perfect, sexy and romantic leading man than Butler in that film. I was reminded of Butler this week as the ads for the family adventure film Nim's Island kept popping up on TV. There are also rumours around that he is dating Cameron Diaz which I really hope is untrue. Still I am taking some time to honour his crushworthiness before the bandwagon gets too crowded and there is no longer any room for my swooning self.

Bio-Blog #20 - Anna

Spring is here so bio-blogs are back! Another chance to share my friends with my friends - cause who else would be reading this rambling page! So for the first entry of this year I want to present my friend Anna. First off, Anna got these great pics done this year to celebrate her happy life and puppy (Stella) which is why she is rocking the photographic hotness. This is not to say that she doesn't rock naturally because she does.

My friendship with Anna really began over a cup of coffee on the Halifax waterfront in the summer of 2007. Since that time she has emerged as a true supporter and confidante at a time when I really needed one. The fact that we can shop, riff on shoes, enjoy Clive Owen's sex appeal, talk about boys and drink red wine together only helps the situation more. Finding genuine friends is always a gift and I am so happy that Anna happened to arrive in my path. Here is to the year behind us and the years yet to come.

I am ... a litle bit country and a little bit rock&roll
I can ... touch my nose with my tongue
I love ... being greeted by my dog every day when I go home. It reminds me that no matter how crappy my day was, she loves me for who I am. Or, she really needs to pee - one or the other.
I will ... not eat yellow snow

What is your sign? Capricorn
Where were you born? Antigonish, Nova Scotia
Where do you live now? Halifax

What has been the best place you've visited in between and why?
Northern California. Great sunshine, great beaches, great energy, beautiful scenery, and any place where you risk sunburn in February is a-ok with me.

What is your favourite:
Movie - Napoleon Dynamite
Book - 'Eat, Pray, Love' - and not just because it's trendy.
TV Show - What Not to Wear
Drink - SCHOONER!

Who is your celebrity hottie of choice?
I am married to Clive Owen. One of these days he'll actually know it's really true.

If you could have lunch with anyone in the world ... who would it be and why?
Stephen Lewis. I forever admire his tireless commitment and passion to making the world a better place. He reminds me that even if you think you're just one little person, you can make all the difference in the world.

How do you know Raye? Through friends
What 3 words would you use to describe Raye?
Kind Hearted - Loyal - Intelligent

Do you have your own website? Nope.

A Sunny View

I thought it was time to post another pic of my niece as I have been negligent about that. It is that second child curse of there always being fewer pics in the album. But there is something about her fairy-like face that makes me calm inside. And calm is what I need. The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of stress, illness, sleep deprivation and mental acrobatics. I have been so tired. And so messed up. And not sure which way was UP so it seemed best to stay horizontal - a lot. But I woke up this morning finally feeling rested. One more major deliverable (god! I am starting to hate that word!) done for school. Only three big steps left in the next two weeks and the MBA commitment is done. And knowing that feels sort of like this image of Maebe - a sense of wonderment of looking out of window and smiling at the view. I am still not sure what the view entails and that is still freaking me out but I am looking again. I am sitting up - for a couple of days at least. I am not kidding myself that the next week will be easy. I have, as usual, procrastinated myself a stuffed plate that it will be a challenge to finish. But I have joy in my darling niece to see me through. Sunshine and smiles CAN save you.

The State of Things

"She keeps working to make connections but the pile of near misses is starting to overwhelm her. What she needs is an omniscient voice to illuminate and spotlight her. And to inform everyone that this one has value. And then to find her counterpart and bring him to her."

This is the opening to the movie Shopgirl. This is how my days feel.

Tudor Style

In the last year I heard a lot about "The Tudors". With the dreamy Jonathan Rhys-Meyers headlining the Showtime series as Henry VIII it was hard not to stare at the TV promos about the show. But it was not until this weekend that I finally got around to checking out the eye candy. Long weekends are always very good for such pursuits especially when the Season 1 box set is only 10 episodes long.

"The Tudors" is by no means perfect. It is choppy. It takes wide creative license on history. It isn't even well-written at times. And it clearly uses its occassional steaminess to compensate for these sins. Luckily, this trade-off works. If one is willing to surrender to the soapiness of "The Tudors" then the weaknesses seem to disappear behind leather boots and heaving bosoms. Not to mention the fact that the series is populated with seriously beautiful people. (At this moment it behooves me to mention my new crushworthiness: Henry Cavill!)

But I think what really makes the show successful is the performance level. The characters are wonderfully created. Rhys-Meyer's Henry is egotistical but conflicted. Catherine of Aragon is portrayed with an enviable steeliness that you can't help but find believable. The series' Anne Boleyn is a wonderful mix of political pawn and passionate paramour. And Sam Neill is incredible as Cardinal Wolsey offering a peformance that anchors the season with its depth.

Admittedly I spent my viewing time surfing wikipedia to check out the inconsistencies but that might make it more fun for some. And for the rest of you, just kick back and enjoy because "The Tudors" is a tale worth retelling.

Birthday Blues

I was SO excited for my birthday this year. My first "real" party on the east coast with a collection of friends that I had finally acquired. We hadn't had a party in awhile and it just felt like it was going to be "the best". And things started to unravel - in my mind. The week leading up to the party was an intense brain bender of writing. I had isolated myself to do my writing and it made me kind of loopy.

On the day of the party I had 6 hours of class (including two presentations) to get through before the good times could begin. But the day had a weird cast on it. I didn't hear from anyone. I wasn't sure how things were going to be. And then the snow came and I became positive that it was all going to fall apart. What can I say - I am a paranoid skeptic about valuable relationships in my life. Class finished and I went off to my scheduled hair appointment to look pretty and get my "rock star" vibe going for the event. But the hair was a disaster. It had to go. I had to undo the 1950s prom curls and start from scratch. And this made me feel pressed for time. I hadn't decorated yet. I hadn't eaten yet. And yet I pushed off into the snow to try and get things going. But my heart was feeling heavy before it even began. Why do I do this to myself? By the time I had gulped (and I do mean gulped!!!) my third double drink I was toast. My brain had seized to make any sense but it wasn't doing me any favours either.

The party was a success. It was full of happy people and good cheer. There was a fabulous cake. There were smiles and laughs and funny poses. But at times I felt lost. Surrounded by love and still alone. And it made me crazy. There is something in the air that is putting me on edge now. It is the realization that everything is about to change. I am actually going to graduate. I am leaving this place behind. I have no idea what I am doing next.

And so I woke up on my birthday and I felt weird. A mild hangover but more of am emotional hangover. A lingering feeling that all was not well behind the happy face of birthday goodness. And then I felt bad. Sad that I had done that to my friends who had provided me with SO much on my special day. Sad that I was letting the good things in my life turn into problems. Why do I do that? This year was the first I felt old on my birthday.

Tag Turns Three

Happy Birthday to my nephew today ... he turns 3!!! I think my sister-in-law is a bit freaked out that she has a 3-year-old but for me I can't believe he is only 3 because if feels like he has been in our lives forever. The little monkey has been a constant source of smiles, laughs and hugs for me. Of course he has moments of screaming brat-ness but then he gets all wiggly cute again and it's a decent trade-off. I miss him. I hear he gets to celebrate twice as he is heading up to see Nana & Nono later this month. I hope this birthday for him is a happy one.