One Hundred and Twenty-Two Days...

... that is the count at the end of December. I decided the mini-cheat in November wasn't going to derail me so I've kep on the non-shopping wagon since then. The one thing that I have realized is that shopping is like a language. If you are not using it, you will lose it. I'm losing my ability to shop!

I don't crave it anymore. My store time has become very practical. I finally have a sense of wat it feels like to be some of my non-shopping friends. It feels like stores are bright and stuffed too full and kind of annoying. It feels like fashion has taken a nasty turn this season and the idea of stifting through the racks is really asking too much. My goodness, what has happened to me?

The worst case of my new condistion came during the holiday rush. Normally, my natural shopping brings me into the stores often and I am immune to the Christmas crazies. I know what I want and I know the best way to navigate the crowds to get it. But this year was different. This year I had not been inside a shopping mall for a month when I went out trying to get last minute gifts for neice and nephew.

It was a nightmare. The shelves were picked over and I had no backup plan. The congested hallways were suffocating. As I wandered from store to store I grew more and more lost. I had forgotten how to shop!! All I could see were the people in my way. All I could feel was the draining lack of achievment. It was unpleasant to say the least. I hated it. My once cozy environment had turned against me. I gave the stores my cold shoulder and now I am cast out to fend for myself just like any other fairweather shopper. What a change!

The one saving grace is this month of losing my consumer powers was that I got to do some shopping for a very special purchase. I was shopping for my wedding dress. And at a completely unexpected time - I found one! So I guess I haven't lost my touch afterall. Rather my energy was channelled for couture rather than consumption and that is not a bad place to be afterall!!

Note: This is NOT the dress!!

Cuba Libre

It has been a tough couple of months. Heck, it's been one hell of a year. Securing a new career position has been my full-time job this year and finally it was done. So when The Boyfriend said that going to Cuba was a good plan, I couldn't really disagree. And so the odessey of moving from one career to the next has come full circle to the Caribbean. I got the news in January about the initial contract. We went to Cuba to celebrate. Sometimes life really is grand!


The first evening walking along the beach.


Kayaking fun on the ocean. Drink in hand.


Ahhhhhh ... Sunshine!


Visiting the old town of Havana. An amazing and beautiful place.


See, happy and refreshed now.

Ninety Days ... Almost ...

The apparel diet continues to the end of month three. That is 90 days of NO new clothes! Well, almost.

The truth of the matter is that, by the strictest definition of the rules, I cheated.

But in my defense I feel that I have two good reasons for my transgression.

One - I had just been notified that I was about to get a full-time job. This situation is normally a valid reason to treat oneself to something new.

Two - I was going on a vacation to Cuba. This situation, of course, begs to have something new.

So I cheated. Sort of ...

What I got is the bikini in the picture on the right. Something new, special and vacation appropriate. It covered all the bases with on targeted purchase. And really, when you think about it, isn't a bikini more of an accessory than apparel? OK, it totally isn't but it is not like I went out and bought a new dress.

So this is my confession. At the end of month three, I have a tarnished record in my apparel diet. I cracked under the pressure of my context and I shopped. And you know what? I'm so glad I did. I love this bikini and I worked the hell out of it on vacation.

I also bought the sunglasses this month, but they really ARE an accessory so I'm in the clear on them!

Garden Gone

"I love the fall. I love it because of the smells that you speak of; and also because things are dying, things that you don't have to take care of anymore, and the grass stops growing."
- Mark Van Doren

As the fall moved into its dreary days I let the gardens go. I didn't feel up to spending a wet day in the mulchy backyard. And as the days got shorter I found myself with little daylight to work in the garden after work. The weekends were busy and I stopped paying attention to my green labours. I had cut the herbs weeks before. The cucumber had stopped growing. The day lillies were turning into limp yellow strands slumbering on the earth. Only the tomatoes soldiered on. Now crawling across the neighbouring trees to support their 9-foot height, the tomatoes grew. Until the morning when the temperature was more than they could bear.

"The third day comes a frost, a killing frost.
- William Shakespeare

Finally, I found some time to deal with the garden. In a gift of unseasonable warmth and sunshine I spent the day cutting and clearing. I dug out the wilted annuals that my mom and I had planted in the spring. I clawed out the weeds that had enroached into the dirt due to my negligence. I raked the away the leaves and scraped the dirt back into protective piles over the sleeping bulbs waiting for newxt year.


In the backyard the task was long. I had to say goodbye to the gigantic green hosta that had sprung up as a surprise only to dominate the right side of the yard. I had to remove the dead hibiscus that I somehow killed over the season. I emptied the mint pot to find the soil had become a bundle of mint roots wrapped around each other in a circle. And I had to remove the tomatoes. The great green giants were toppled! But one little plant did not want to say good bye. Somehow a purple annual that my mom had bought was still in full bloom and clinging to the edge of the flowerbed with an incredible will. I thought about keeping it there, letting it live out its last few weeks ...


... but I hated the idea of the snow taking it in a slow tortuous death through frost bite. Instead I ripped it free and sent it to its composty grave with the friends it had summered with all year.

In the end, the yard looked much like it did when I moved in last April. A barren space just waiting for some love. I reset all the stones along the border and cleaned out the debris. I raked the dirt to make sure all the day lillies were covered for their winter rest.


Now I can leave it with peace of mind. I have done my work. Now I can turn my attention to planning for the spring ahead and the new projects that may unfold in my garden space.

"If I'm ever reborn, I want to be a gardener — there's too much to do for one lifetime!"
- Karl Foerster

And the Universe Smiled

Today could have been a horrible day. It could have been a sad, depressing, scary, anxious kind of day. It could have been the end of something great and the start of a big, black hole of "OMG! what now?!" Today could have been the last day of my work contract and the end of my paycheque.

But it wasn't!

Oh no! Instead, today was the LAST day of worry, fear, and anxiety. Today was the turning point of a long 10-month road to achieving stability. Today my job moved from the precarious contract stage into the precious permanent stage. Today, the gamble I took when I quit my previous job and moved to Toronto paid off. Whew!

The sigh of relief may have been heard around the world. I signed my offer letter and I felt every muscle in my body relax. The stone necklace of stress that I had been carrying all year melted away from around my neck. The release was instant and in a flash my joy was back.

The world now has a light within it that seemed to have faded away over the fall. It is the light of promise. With stable employment, The Boyfriend and I can plan for some of the bigger things in life. My financial security makes it easier for him to work on his own career transition and we know the rent will still get paid. The position comes with benefits and a pension and lots of other great "grown-up" things that I suddenly find myself wanting. I don't think I can say YAY! enough.

On top of it all, I really like the job. I get to use my skills and work with interesting stakeholders and provide interesting experiences to youth. It is a dream sort of position to be able to do non-profit style work but get a decent paycheque for it. So YAY! again.

YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY!

What a Great Guy!

I was at a conference dinner last night and the discussion turned to how my table mates were getting home. I explained that The Boyfriend was coming to pick me up.

"What a great guy" the man next to me exclaimed.

When he found out that The Boyfriend was driving from our east end neighbourhood to the northern corner of Mississauga to get me he was more impressed: "What a great guy!"

And when it was revealed that The Boyfriend had done the same trek that morning to drop me off leaving him to face rush hour traffic on the way home the deal was sealed: "What a great guy!"

The truth is, The Boyfriend chauffered me because he needed the car that day. Why? Because he had a shift delivering meals to the infirm and elderly that day. That really does make him a great guy. On top of that, he booked us on a tropical vacation for a week. And even more gravy is that he has been looking after our home for the last month while I have been stressing myself silly trying to turn my contract job into a permanent one.

I cannot express how wonderful it is to come home and have dinner - with candles and wine - served to you day after day. It is the most amazing kind of support to have a partner who will hold you while you meltdown in anxiety and fear and remind you how awesome you are. It is a gift that I cherish when he illuminates my darkest corners with optimism.

Truly, What a Great Guy!

Starry Saturday

Sometimes living in a city like Toronto can surprise you. When you are not even expecting it you can stumble upon a red carpet event. Such was the case last night when my walk home turned into star watching outside the Elgin & Winter Garden Theatre.

Yonge street was barricaded and a crowd had gathered. My mind was elsewhere so I was not really thinking of the date. But it did not take long to realize that the event was the Geminis. Yes, the event that rewards the best in Canadian television was going down and I was able to sneak into the second line of observers right at the entrance point.

My first catch was Mark Taylor. He is currently staring in "Flashpoint", a show that do actually enjoy. It is a cop procedural and is really well done. I must say that Mark is quite handsome in person. Truthfully, it was cool to be close to a homegrown star from one of my favourite Canadian guilty pleasures: "Instant Star". Squeeee!!


Next up was Enrico Colantoni. In spite of his roles on "Flashpoint" and "Just Shoot Me", he will always be Keith Mars to me. Does this mean I am officially only one degree of separation from Logan Echolls?


Sadly, I only had my blackberry with me so the picture quality was none-to-great. And while my location was perfect, the bright lights at the entrance did not help me get decent photos of the other Canadian stars going by including: the current cast of Degrassi (yay Snake!), the Dragons from CBC's Dragon's Den and Shaun Majumder.

Then the crowd along the street went crazy! Excited screams for tween throats echoed into the air and Cory Monteith arrived. Yes, the lovable singing jock from mega-hit "Glee" - who was hosting the night's event - arrived right in front of me.


He is obviously cute. And a total trooper when it came to giving the fans his time. He signed and took pictures. He hung out by the gals waving "Glee" foam fingers in the air. It was a treat to see him being accessible and funny and kind. Go Canadian talent. For me, it was just interesting to see someone in the flesh who I had last seen on the (controversial) cover of GQ Magazine! And that lopsided grin? In full force.


In the end I took so many pics in such succession that I burnt out the screen of my blackberry. No long term damage, just a momentary glitch in the operations, but the problem caused me to leave my spot in the crowd and head home. I packed in my star watching and it wasn't until today that I realized who I had missed. After my departure, Nina Dobrev arrived. Yes, the Canadian ex-Degrassi star who is now kicking ass on my favourite show "The Vampire Diaries". She was there and I missed her. Oh well, I guess sometimes in a city like Toronto you really never know what will happen.

60 Days and Counting...

When I began my apparel diet two months ago I wasn't sure what to expect. I had been shopping so consistently and for so long that I could not fathom my time without that pursuit. As it turns out, I am doing rather well.

Luckily, the diet allows for the occassional sweets (accessories!) and vitamins (underwear, socks, bras). Still, in 61 days all I have purchased is a new hat for the winter (pictured right). In fact, I was getting very discouraged trying to find a new hat this season and lamented the loss of all thress of my winter hats from last year. I get cold ears inthe winter and I need something warm to stave off the ear-ache-chill but not mess up my hair in the process. Oh joy! when I found this stretchy ball of comfort and was sold. And, the purchase wasn't even breaking the rules!

To be honest, I do miss my mall time. This month I took my shopping to a vicarious level while searching for The Boyfriend's birthday gifts. If I'm not getting new clothes he darn well is! I over-shopped completely and had to return a few items. I still ended up giving him more than necessary but it was my only shot at buying a whole new outfit! Also, he looked really good in it all so really it was like a double-gift for me and I didn't have to go off the diet.

It has been difficult to see all the lovely fall sweaters show up inthe stores. I'm a sucker for cheap cashmere! I know I haven't kicked the shopping spree out of me yet but at the end of this month I'm feeling pretty chuffed about my restraint. Who would of bought that?